exasperating.

pardon me for my harsh language.

recently found out something that i feel had changed my view towards my life. gawddammit, its nothing good. heard it has done some good in some ways -- which i thought only happens in chick lit or dramas -- that was quite approving. but hell, its not doing any good to me besides being toyed around and being, whaddaya call..? influencer and influencee? sheer rubbish. sheer crap.

once thought that it was a phenomenal thing. now just as disgusting and just as loathsome as the last. what's the darn difference. so its just all the same. 'legend' takes that its true, so called 'chim-ology'. or for my personal view, its truly absurd! and all bullshit.

changed my point of view of my own life. shit. truly shit and nothing but shit. so it has become a joke. a joke that cracks people up. a joke that i dont think is funny! i screwed up just once more. its getting on my nerves and i swear its gonna be suicidal. one fine day i'm gonna scream so darn loud with a voice an octave higher and with the courage to yell that i am through with all this rubbish! taking into account that i am stupid and idiotic in a way i thought i'd never be.

bear in mind that all this is one word -- absurd! totally absurd and exasperating!