going mad.

after 2 weeks and 2 days of exams. i think i'm already used to studying all day all night. go tuition with books in hand. come home with books at my side. watch tv with books on my lap. books here and books there. so used to it until i think it has become an 'addiction'? i feel that i have too much time to spare these 2 days because i didnt study for PK and today's maths paper. my hands feel a lil' empty. and my mind a total blank now. xDD isnt that suppose to be a good thing? xD shouldnt have studied like crazy last 2 weeks. now i need to re-adjust my daily routine to relax. xD it wont take long. haha =D

i cant wait for the holidays to come. i want to enjoy this coming hols to the fullest! =)

finally ended. =)

voila!!

the exams ended. =DD that is so nice. =)

i dont think i did well for math today because my left eye is freakish-ly painful. dont know why. so swollen, like i havent been sleeping for years. i just simply shoot the answers and slept. xD couldnt help it. my eye feels so pricky.

after the maths paper was pn. ngew's class. she gave us back our papers. i dont know should i be happy or should i be crying. i got a E8. yea, i passed. just barely. a mere pass. so shit. =X haih. no matters, must work harder next time.

dear xx & xx, you guys will do better next time. =) cheer up! =D as jimui we will always help you guys. =) jia you! we'll pia together. =DD another xx, geng la!! got the highest among the 7 of us. haha. =) good luck to you! who says you'll be last? xD jia you jia you! xDD =)

good news. bad news.

good news:
1. i just received my first A for this exam. i just aced chemistry! =DD well, just an A2, but good enough for me. =DDD

2. 1 more paper and it is all over. =) merdeka? xD

bad news:
1. i have a 80% chance to FAIL my add maths. T'T studied like crazy and FAIL pulak! to NOT fail add maths, i have to obtain 35/50 for yesterday's paper. as if that is possible!!! haih. 1 word i hate on my report card, GAGAL. haih. sedih betul. oh well, better luck next time. ='(

2. right after yesterday's tuition, i fell sick. I DONT WANT TO BE SICK! =( the exam's over and i want to enjoy punya laa. but sick pulak. how to enjoy?? T'T but still i am very thankful i didnt fall sick 3 days earlier. very thankful. =') at least i can study for chinese and add maths before i am sick. ==

decide. decided.

you decide how you go through your days.
you decide what you want to do.
you decide whether or not you want to achieve your goal.
you decide what you want to know.
you decide whether you are happy or not.
you decide what you really want in life.
you decide what you wish for.
you decide whether or not to go through things with a smile or a frown.
you decide whether some things are worth the sorrow.

and i say,

i decide.
i decide what i will do with my days.
i decide.
i decide that i will never go with a frown. [doing my best trying not to.]
i decide.
i've decided.
my days are mine to decide. =)

* just a note to myself. =) *

a little bit more.

Just A Little Bit More!

the last brain-damaging subject is OVER!!!! the time passed ever so slow today. having to wait for 3+ hours before the exams start. sleepy but still dont dare to take a short nap for the fear that we wont be able to revise what we need to. ended up didnt need that much information. ==

by finishing AM, it signifies that there are only 2 more papers left. PK and MM K1. PK, who cares. [no offence, i am not bothered at all.] MM K1, i'll do my revision tomorrow night. =) now it is time to sit back, relax and enjoy. =DD

we are very very close to being out of jail! =D well, i am already out of jail. xD

paper jammed?

just like a photocopy machine, the papers get jammed once in a while. but for me, its gonna take a while. i cant study for add. math anymore. haih =( its really packed. so i decided to go with the flow. G9 then G9 la. i give up. xD i dont want to study it all over again and forget all of it all over again. just let it be la. full of numbers and formulas. such eye-sore! xD

but the good thing is, i have a good chance of getting an A2 for my sejarah. xDD =DDD got 43/60. unless my objective paper is <27, if not i've just obtained my A. =DDD that is something happy enough to let me forget the hard-to-understand add. maths. xD

seems i'll be turning in earlier than i thought. =D and that's a good thing. =DD

tomorrow.

"dont ever think it can ruin my day."
it never will. =D

i am just as happy. =D
just as contempted. =D
it matters nothing. =D
it means nothing. =D

i will be better. =)
i feel better. =)
everything will be just fine. =)
i will be just right. =)

3 more to go.

as obvious as my post's title, i am counting down the horrible days left.

today's chinese must be really 'blessed' xD cuz it wasnt really that hard. might be able to get better than the last term. =)

tomorrow's add maths is still misery. dont know how to do so many topics. haih. suan le ba. tonight only pia. xD hope tomorrow's questions wont be as hard. =D

after tomorrow, everything will be fine. =)
just fine. =)
again, God Bless Me! xD

5 more papers to go.

today signifies the end of the english paper. i am so so so anxious about english. my gawd! i didnt study much for my literature as planned. half was because i discovered i havent finished GT's homework. another was because i kept talking and talking in class. == so i ended up finishing GT's homework and talked all crap [except for some 'serious' planning, the rest was crap].

when i received the english paper, i was stuned. i do not remember any moral values from that short story. cuz, that short story aint my favourite, plus i studied it last term. surely i cant remember something i dont like for that long a time. and that implies that i have just sent my A down the drain. ><

now i have to learn something from sp, " God Bless Me!!!! " must must must bless me for tomorrow's chinese and add maths the day after! how thankful i would be if i could get a presentable result. xDD

2 relaxing days?

the tough week ended. a big hurray!
the second week is gonna start in less than 4 hours.
hopefully this week wont drain us all out. haha =D

been sleeping and sleeping these few days.
but i dont think i am fully recharged yet. xD
this clarifies that i am a P I G. xDD
woke up at 11am and slept before 12am.
still not enough laa. ==

havent touched much of my books these 2 days.
spent more time going out and in front of the computer.
who can dig into books when there are other things which are much more tempting? xD
ah well, to make sure i ace my english tomorrow, i must go stuff myself with literature component.
[thanks to literature, i almost got an A2 for my english. == ]
my chinese! i dont want to get the lowest mark in class anymore!! must must must work harder! i want to get a B3. that's all i am asking for chinese. ><
add maths, a C at least? please? xDD

good luck to every F4 kwanghua-rians!! =)
for science stream, 5 more days! just another 5 days! =D
for accounts stream, 6 more days! jia you! xD

study random-ness.

the books needed to study add maths.

those papers are actually moral definitions.

my whole study room is full of them.

close-up. xD

my pens to help my memory. xD

conclusion, i am just too bored to study so much.

taking random pics is better. xD

the end! almost.

i'm lovin' it!!
the nightmare just past. this is something to cheer about. =)
finally, i can sleep peacefully. =DD

what left is

AM K1 (not like i'll get a B even if i endulge in it all day.),
BC K2 (i hope i manage to understand the confusing 'wen yan wen' by this weekend.),
BI K2 (i'll study monday morning. xD )
PSK (who needs to study that?)
PK (i'm trying to talk my parents to let me skip this test. stupid test.)
MM K1 (pn. ooi, i might be getting that reward! XD )

and that is the end!!!

a lil update on exam week.

chemistry was ok. a few silly mistakes. should be alrighty.

i burnt the oil for sejarah until 3 a.m. and it did paid off. i memorized Zaman Gelap so hard and bingo! out it comes in essay. my life-saver.

add math. a total nightmare! hopefully next week's paper one can save the B i was dreaming of. NO MORE Es!!!!

moral was still ok. not really that bad. =)

PHYSICS. oh the horror. to make my paper look nicer, with not so many blanks, i TEMBAK darn many questions. i believe my answers werent even logically accepted. but whatever. at least i didnt leave it blank. this proves that me, T Z H will never get better than a D in physics. not even for monthly tests. the chances of my AM getting a B is way higher than my physics getting a C. [I saw my teacher marking my paper during bio exam. and i saw it was all RED!!! >< ]

down to biology. it was ok i suppose. i studied this the longest. i studied till 3.30am. at least i still can answer. tembak half of it, of course. =D

BM K1, suan le ba. my karangan panjang was only 2.75 pages. how to get high marks? matilah saya. not like i can get A with that teacher of mine. xD

next week, faster come, faster go! =DD

my desire.

my desire.
my one and only desire.
i need it so much. ><

my need is

S L E E P ! ! ! ! !

stupid stupid stupid me!
yea, i am stupid enough not to have learnt my lessons from the past exams. always, ALWAYS study last minute-ly. ALWAYS burn the midnight oil.

my bedtime for the past few days were not earlier than 2 a.m. ealiest is 2.30 a.m. at least i managed to finsih everything. being optimistic? xD

i declare that my WORST subject, PHYSICS IS OVER!! =D it really cost me my live studying that cursed subject. [no offence to those who love physics. i hate it!]

gotta get some sleep now. for i NEED to study for bio at midnight.

just one more.

JUST ONE MORE!!

ONE DAY!!!

after tomorrow, say goodbye to sleep-less nights!
no more sleeping after 2a.m.!!
no more nightmares!

ONE DAY!!!!

my bio better not fail me tomorrow! ><

lost self-control xD

ok, i couldnt resist the stupid computer.
couldnt help NOT using the computer.
is this what they call addicted?

anyways, my exams.
very very very weird.
i thought i was darn gan jiong about it.
but never did i expect myself to be so calm. lol.
i wasnt even gan jiong even after i've finished my chinese paper! which is my worst enemy. [chinese has never been my best subject. if i could choose between EST and chinese, sorry BC, i'll sure choose EST.]
my health must be fooling me, got a massive headache after school.
made me left the tuition centre for home 2 hours earlier. i missed tuition laa. my gawd!
day 2, BM K2 and BI K1.
jolly me! i finished studying my BM by 2am. xD at least i finished. didnt regret sleeping so late cuz i managed to answer everything! hahaha =DD

should be pia-ing AM, K, F, and B now instead of blogging. but too bad, i cant help myself. haha =DD 'dear' com, one more week. after this week, i am out of bars! =) the second week aint so messy. so i'll be back! xD i beg this week to go faster and faster! enter my life fast and leave fast!

gheezzz!!

I AM NOT GOING TO CRACK!!!

tell me i wont crack!!!
must retain self-conciousness!
no more slacking, no more day dreaming!
urgh!! just remembered my stupid dream.
i dreamt about meiosis and mitosis last night since that's the last thing i studied before turning in. darn stupid laa!!
really, i believe i am getting over-stressed!

MUST STAY CALM!!!

*better not force myself to study after all, unless i want to lose a nerve and end up in TR*

hello, dear exams.

i bid my relaxing days farewell and welcome the terror of the year, the year-end examination.

truthfully speaking, i have been studying recently. very pia indeed. i tried with all my might to remember all those facts. but atlas, my memory is limited. i forget the past subject once i start a new subject. so although i am so called 'halfway through', i am still at the zero. the worst thing that could ever happen to a student, studied everything and out those facts go without a glance back. how shiittie!!! =(

oh well, the exams is 2 days away, and i am still here. after next week, i consider myself free since all the mind-killing, hair-falling, spirit-taking, black-rim-appearing, body-weakening, leg-shivering subjects are all lined together right after each other. ohh what horror!!! whatever, i'll just give it my best shot and what goes 'round, comes 'round. at least i can relax for 5 days in Bali first before receiving my heart-aching, reddish results. xD

so, for now, i have to bid the computer bye-bye. no more computer for now. i am gonna have to tell my bed sorry for not accompanying it longer every night. i will have to say i love you to my books and desk no matter how unwilling i am. i am going to study no matter how mad i am going to be. I MUST GET IT RIGHT!! no more E8s!!!!! but be at least a B!!!! xD

*really going mad!*

idiot-ish.

i am being so ridiculous. yea yea, this is me, cant change this stupid attitude no matter how much i want to.

i feel like a jerk. i made myself feel pathetic, i made my friends in dilemma whether to help me or just leave me facing my headaches, nightmares all by myself.

ARGHH!!! i want to scream, i want to shriek!!!!!!

i dont want to burden my friends, not now, not ever. ><


**, i know your habit, i know what you are intending to do. just so you know, i understand you more than you think i do.

**, i can only give you my sincere apologies. i am truly sorry for the trouble and my stupidity.

**, thank you, my friend. =') du bist sui laa, i will remember that. =') i know, i know, exams is around the corner. i wont give up no matter how much i want to. thank you! =)

**, did i managed to help you or did i burden you even more? i am sorry if i did. ><> i wish you all the best! **, jia you!! you once said that to me, now its my turn to tell you. =) jyjy!!!

geram-nye!

geram betul!
kek sim-nya!

first of all,
am i that weak? lol.
i wont 'tumbang' again la.
quite reminding. ==

the next thing which made me really geram!
respect privacy laa.
aduei. feel so exposed. ><

lastly,
i heard this so many times this morning.
"dont try to be hero"
yala, dont be hero [in a different meaning from this morning's hero],
i know you are doing this for me,
but as a friend,
i will feel very paisea to receive this kind of 'sacrifice'.
please think about it. ><

felt nice. =)

i went to the gym today. =D really need to get some fresh air from the books.

the first thing i picked to go on was the track mill. once i got on it, i started to tune the speed faster and faster. i darent increase the speed anymore once it reached 8.0. it felt good. very very good. =) i ran and ran, i just couldnt stop. xD i feel so relaxed when im on the track. very comfortable. =D i ran for 40 minutes on the track until i started to slow down.

if not because the sun is too hot and my aunt cant bear the heat in the swimming pool, i wouldnt have agreed to go. i really enjoyed my day today. haha. i am going back there next week before i go crazy from studying too much. xD

exercising is my kind of relaxation. xDD so no wonder my '-holic' was exercisaholic when i did the facebook quiz a few months ago. xP

sophisticated.

so this is life.
everytime when i thought something would be ok, it never will be ok.
when i thought something is bound to go wrong, its alright.
not that i am moaning that its not good,
but its somehow a pain in the neck when i know things arent going right.
life is sophisticated.
so sophisticated.

lost a friend,
gained a friend,
lost a friend again.

read something,
thought i remembered,
forget at last,
re-reading again.

done something,
thought it was right,
as days pass,
found out its all wrong.

it goes in a circle, so confusing.
spinning and spinning over one little thing over and over again.
sophisticated world.
makes sense in a very complicated way.

not attentive.

now i have to re-read my history again. why? because idiot me aint aware that there are THREE essay questions. i thought it was pick one out of three questions. actually its pick THREE out of five questions! alamak! i thought the structured questions were just the same format as the mid-term. how in the world would i know two became FOUR?!

mamma mia! have to re-read FOUR chapters laa. should have memorized everything in the first place. i thought since everything was just the same, as in not so many questions, i could just read through without really memorizing. now i regretted painfully. have to study everything all over again. wasted my time. ><

moral of this story:
must pay attention in class? no.
do not ponteng class too many times? no.
do not sleep in class? no.

the moral is, must find a brain which is at least 10 times larger to fit all these facts inside! my brain is as small as a pea. pea-brained me. =(

unbelieveable.

ha-ha. i've gotten myself into a very big mess.
i dont know what happened,
i never thought that it would happen,
it was unbelieveable to me.
never in my dreams would i thought that this would happen. ==
tzh, you've gotten yourself in a big mess.
but can i refuse to accept the fact that i'm trapped?
oh geezz.. this time i am so doomed.
need help. but who? xp

world war III

i've witnessed world war III earlier this evening. believe me, it was very very scary.

i really pity Party A. i felt so sorry for her. it's not entirely her fault to be in the situation she is in now. she just seemed like she lost everything. i symphatize her.

Party B, its not their fault at all either. they cant do things that are not right. they have their future, they have their families. Party A just cant make them do what they are not willing to do.

i heard yells, shouts and doors slamming all over the house. i saw fingers pointing away, words coming out of their mouths like bullets, non-stop arguing. not a good situation for the 'kids'. ended up babysitting.

a word to you, A,

" i know i know, you worked very hard for that. you saved cent by cent to build up that thing. but time is up. it is time to let go now. let those who are capable, or let those who should claim that 'thing' claim it. dont make yourself so stressed by worrying about it everyday. you talk about this topic all the time. Party B have already gone immune to what you have to say. i know i do not have the right to talk but please la, leave them alone. they have their lifes to live. their family. just leave it, put it down ok? Party B will not take charge directly, but they will find a solution to it. in the mean time, dont go looking for trouble. you are not a kindergardener looking for a fight. you should stay home and rest. i rather you bug me everyday and make me insane than to witness world war IV. help them. help yourself."

** i am aware that both parties will never view this post nor ever in their minds would they have thought that this was what i was thinking when i was babysitting. i am also aware that i am just a 'kid' and i'm not suppose to stuck my head into this kind of 'ugly' situations. this is just a piece of my mind.

hair cut.

i decided that my fringe was too long and very very irritating. so i went for a cut. i went to xxxxx 'hair studio' in kp.

i told the lady i wanted to trim a little at the back and i want to cut the fringe. she said ok. she looks so pro but dont judge a book by its cover. all the way when she was 'fixing' my hair problem, she was yacking away. my gawd!! buei tahan! at first i thought she was quite good because she explained to me very detailed about what she's gonna do with my hair. after 15 minutes, i really felt like leaving. her mouth cant seem to stop moving! kept babbling and babbling on and on. asking me really ridiculous questions and repeating those questions. she asked me if i'm a student twice within 2 minutes.

after she finished, i looked in the mirror and i nearly fainted. what a bird-ish look. so long to my fringe. i look pathetic. =X but look on the bright side, the hair is no longer bothering my eyes. now i have a clearer view. xD

older, wiser?

been dreaming, been thinking.
and guess what i found out.
i found out either i am older mentally or i've turn a lil' wiser. xD
because i realized many things this week.
like everything is making sense right now.
[of course i dont mean making sense in the wrong way.]
i dont see things the childish way i used to see it.
i look at the overall first before judging.
and that's a good thing? hehehe xD
its nice to know i've cracked a head and realize something, better than sitting around doing nothing. =)

p.s. this is just my point of view. not everybody will think this way, but at least i feel that i am this way. =)

finally.

i never thought that i will do this.
it is so unbelievable.
and i am so proud of it. xDD

i...

i...


i've...


i've picked up my books!!


haha. this is really something i never thought i'd do. i thought i'll just sit around wasting my time at home again. who knew i really did my revision. =) although it is not a lot, but at least, i've started. a good start, although it is really late already. xD

hey, dont laugh at me being stupid or wasting my time or wasting money or anything. i just started biology tuition today. == seriously, the teacher was still teaching F4, which is actually a good thing, but the bad thing is that i totally dont understand what is she teaching! all those terminology and phrases. all a blur. means i'll have to study really hard for my biology. haih.

must continue to open up my books and read on. must study! xP

good luck to everybody =)

it's raining =)

it is raining outside.
i like it when it rains. =)
i like to smell the scent of the water,
smashing on the roof of my house.
i would like it even more,
if i can go outside. =)

i want to go into the rain.
i want to stand right there,
feeling the pouring rain on me.
it would feel so nice.
that cool and comfy feeling. =D

i missed the rain.
i missed the sound of the rain,
hitting my window at night.
it would be so nice,
if i could hear that sound tonight. =)

but of course,
my liking for the rain depends on my mood. =P
if it will ruin my plans, or
cause me unable to walk for my classes,
it better stand out of the way. xD

but most of the time,
i still like the sound of the pouring rain. =)

a waste.

my saturday was so so so wasted.

woke up at 6.10am to find out my sis was late for her public duty. [i still cant believe she agreed to go for public duty.] in a very kelam-kabut condition, we managed to get to hq by 6.45am. miracle i tell'ya.

went back home to sleep for an hour. woke up at 8.11am and now its my turn to change into my uniform to go hq. and i regretted going. so so so regret. i am not being offensive. this is just what i feel about it. the adult uniform have so many 'kelengkapan', i have to put it all on, that is not a problem. my hair is getting messier and messier every day and its getting harder to tie it neatly, not a problem too. i have to ask my dad to sacrifice his time to fetch me to hq which is approx 20mins from my house, a small prob here. the dang problem is i have to go through a lot of stuff and what happened? stand there for 15 minutes and that's it. c'mon people. realistic a lil?

stayed in hq awaiting the return of my sis. i finished before 10am. i had to stay there for 3 hours laa. oh my gawd. luckily my friends stayed behind too or i'll bored to death. thanks you guys. =)

went back to school for a meeting. boy, i regretted going too. no offense, ok? no conclusions, no decisions made final. is there a point actually? reached home, 4.30pm.

went for my cousin's birthday party. 3 years old and a lot of fuss. why? because he's four ounces heavier than all the other cousins. [try saying it in hakka and you'll understand. i am not being pervert or anything, but this is how it goes in the family. four ounces heavier and you are the king or prince of the house. stupid logic.] used my time to eat and watch tv at his house.

came back at 10pm. one day ==> gone. wasted. ><

hey, you.

hey, you.

dont worry about me so much, alrighty?
i guarantee you, i am fine.
very well indeed.
you need not feel awkward,
you need not hide,
you are my pal and i will help you.
i got your back ok? so just go.
remember i'll be supporting you from behind. =)
all the best to you yo! xD

i think.

i think i just misunderstood something.
i think.
hmm.. curious. quite a curious thing.
i would like to find out the answer behind it.

if i misunderstood, its a very xiasui-ish thing. =X

skipping class xD

i finally opened my books and started on my torturing journey. haha. eh, very big success lea actually. so hard to see me opening my books without being told to do so. =DD

studied chemistry. finally reached chapter 4. lol. chemistry is my best science sub and yet i dont really know anything about it. sat bai-nye. aduei =X bio is pure am-gong, got an A without studying. ==

after studying for 2 hours, i buei tahan liao, and arrived at the spot i am right now. in front of my beloved computer. xD see how successful i am? too bad i hate electronics or i think i might make it to biotech next time. xDD

*** *** ***

i walked to hg's house at 11+ yesterday night to pass her the 'love letters' i wrote to the 'leng luis' sitting behind me. haha. quite scary actually, walking alone with the fierce dog barking like mad. XP didnt know where i got the courage from. ah well, maybe i'll get some replies tonight if hg decides to pass me my books later. =)

*shrieks*

*shrieks*!!!

here comes the bloody october. the month which i do not want it to arrive. and yet, it is right in front of me right now.

bloody october.
exams exams exams.

dreadful october.
everyday is gonna be miserable.

i am dreading this october. not prepared to face all the challenges of the exams yet. i hope this month comes just as fast and leaves as fast. i just hope i can go through this october alive. ><

a plea.

my only plea to you, is to trust me.
trust me and believe me.
that's all i can say.
that's all i can ask for you to do.

doomed.

i am so so so doomed. got the exam timetable today. the exams on PMR week were ok. not really head aching. but the second week is terrible, horrible, vegetable! OMG!!!!

Chemistry pairs with moral on tuesday, history pairing with add math [dead, so dead.] on wednesday, biology pair with dont know what subject on thursday and friday is physics together with mathematics. SEE!!! so torturing! what a week! i will be kissing my red papers soon. and i'll feel the ear-tiring nag everyday.

wont be attending school tomorrow. decided that it is a waste of time. [not like im spending time wisely at home.] will just be catching up on my sleep i suppose. quite tired these few days.