im getting there~

i am almost there.
a few more days and eureka!!
i am so so waiting for that day!

it rained today.
seems so nice! =)
i want to see the rain again!
i want it to refresh my mind.
i want to lead a stress-free life.
tell me, everything will be ok =)

i can feel the raindrops pounding.
will the raindrops cheer me up?
yes, i think they did =D

fed-up ~

i give up!
so fed-up!
why do i have to go through this?
forget it!
you are not the only one who's tired.
what about us?
i know your friends got your back.
i know you are better.
but can i say, u suck?
i am so fed-up!

sunburn lar!!

oh my gawd!!!! really can cry already. haiz. my friends say that i look like a sakai! xD i am really really very tan now. i look like an Indian more than Chinese. my skin burns! its painful even when i am just touching it! 5 hours under the hot sun. isnt that called torture or what? i hope my skin will peal off or something. so i wont be so tan. haha. whose fault? the he-who-must-not-be-named. torture torture torture! suan le ba, another 6 more days and everything will be over! =D hope we wont get last! xP

look on the bright side ~

look on the bright side,
i havent lost ALL my friends.
im still happy [almost].
i still got time to spare =D
im still healthy. =P
i think i can cope.
i hope i'll do well.
i'll just keep up the 'good' work.
and then i think i'll be ok.
happy-go-lucky?
i am who i am. =)

i think i'm sick ~

i think i am falling sick.
my head aches so badly.
i feel my insides are burning.
i dont feel better no matter how much i rest.
(ps. i just woke up around 20 minutes ago)
i am online searching for my project when i should really be at my tuition right now.
such a failure? haha
maybe.
i think i just need more rest.
and dont think so much! xD
now i have to continue to click on my documents
hope i'll recover soon >.<

awkward ~

how can one not give up?
im receiving pressure from my parents.
the sweet talk last time we always had when they are not satisfied with my academic process does not work anymore.
i too, gave up on myself.
it seems that im wrong in whatever way.
so, what's the point of contributing so much?
i can chill and relax.
keep my mind off things.
it would be the best way.
i feel that im just making a fool of myself.
again, i ask myself, why put so much effort when i am not appreciated?
im just a stupid girl who thinks im ok.
i was so so so wrong.
come on, give up.
its totally useless not to give up.

pics from long long ago xD ~

i dont fit in T'T ~

i dont think i fit in.
i am always a loner.
dont know where to go.
just following instructions.
what happened to all those so called 'jimui'?
i cant even talk to them anymore.
i remembered that i used to call one of them every night and talk our hearts out.
we can talk about everything.
we never run out of topics.
but now, everything changed.
last time, i talk to you guys almost every minute in school.
now, the sentences i said to you guys are less than 10 each day.
i cant fit in with you guys.
you said that its because i have schin beside me,
but i dont think so.
schin is my best friend,
and so are you guys!
i thought we promised to be best friends at least until we graduate from secondary.
we are not graduating this year!
2009 brought BIG changes to my life.
i never felt so useless before in my life.
i've lost my 2 very very good friends,
i've got so suck-ish results,
my co curriculum is 'merosot-ing',
everything is changing!
i am not the happy go lucky me anymore.
i cant smile when i like to,
i feel stressed everyday,
i feel like crying everytime.
i want my buds back!
where have they gone?
i dont know. >.<
i just hope everything will be like last year.
always smiling, no pressure, no worries!

never thought about it ~

i've never thought about this before.
i never thought it would be like this as well.
i thought it was supposed to be the exact opposite.
i dont know.
i dont think i can make a conclusion.
i am not sure about what i am thinking.
is this what i really wanted?
is this going to make me happy?
satisfied? regret? cant let go?
i dont know.
i dont know!
why must things be so complicated?
is this called life?
why cant things be more simpler.
then i wont have so many strands of white hair.

suddenly i realize ~

suddenly, i realize, that i need not be so good.
suddenly, i realize, i need not sacrifice so much.
suddenly, i realize, no matter how much i do, its is nothing.
suddenly, i realize, when i help, it seems like trouble to you guys.
suddenly, i realize, i am nothing.

nothing.

i need not make my commitment.
i need not be so 'pia'.
i need not to bother.
i can relax, chill and let go.
no point for me to stay, am i right?
nothing i say matter.
my existence is invisible.
compared to somebody who makes stupid and ridiculous tantrums, i am nothing.
you guys listen to her for the fear that she will be pissed if she was disobeyed.
but what about me?
do i matter?
i have feelings too!
i dont have such a stupid character like her,
so i dont need so much attention?

answer is, YES.
i am just nothing.
as i suddenly realize.
it is time for me to let go.
once i've finished my duties at the moment.
i am leaving.

Re: i've got a confession ~

From one of my posts about two months ago. i posted this :-

okay! i've got a big-big-big-super-crazy-super-stupid confession to make!!! i beh tahan being in my class with XXX!! (i know i wrote confession, but i have the right to protect the good name of the person i loath! = = ) i really cant accept being in the same class with XXX! XXX is driving me up the wall!! i so so so feel like changing classes! but i know it isnt possible! does anybody knows how hard is it to face XXX everyday to talk crap?! its not like i started the stupid conversation! anyways, you think you are the most prefect thing in the world! come on! i know people who are way way better than you! sometimes i really want to scold you, and say everything that i wanted to say to since the day i started to loath you! if you want me to say your weakness, i can say it non-stop for 3D4N! (im not saying im prefect, my weakness is worse, 10D10N still half way through) if you think you are so prefect, go 4S1 lar! dont stay in this class! make me wanna puke! today, maybe out of anger, i really wanted to change class! it is either you change, or i change! i dont want to face you for two whole years! maybe i wont even mind to change to account, as long i can get as far from you as possible! dont think i can be your good friend! i may be helping you at times, but that does not mean i am your good friend! if you dont change your STUPID attitude of wanting the whole world's attention, i think i'll do something really very soon! my last sentence for this confession, i dreaded the times when i need to cooperate with you!!

Now, i've got something to add:-

i hate her more than ever. never felt so angry about her before!really cant take her anymore!! >.<

monthly test ~

my monthly test was quite of a failure.
i know i should be studying now,
but i am just not in the mood.
my biology test results is out.
i got a 50.
50! out of 100.
and the rest?
totally hopeless.
tomorrow will be history and add. math.
and where will i be?
at my death bed of course.
friday is even worse.
two of my nightmare subjects.
physic and chinese.
it is just a monthly test now,
and i am getting such un-presentable results.
what about my mid-term exam?
surely i'll end up failing all subjects i suppose.
i need to study hard and keep my fingers tightly crossed!
i cant bare with another F in my results! T^T

i am not me? ~

i feel weird.
i feel left out.
i feel like i am not me.
i am not what i used to be.
i dont know what happened to me.
it seems like i've changed.
i feel so different.
like i dont care anymore.
like i cant be bothered.
i've never felt this way before.
i know some people noticed my change,
but others still take me for granted.
you guys think you are right?
well, think again!
i want to get away.
i want to go somewhere else.
away from the 'fake face' of you guys.
far far away. . .

lost and found! ~

i thought i lost my pendrive a few weeks ago. it caused me so much agony as i needed a few files in the pendrive to do some of my work. and i found it around half and hour ago when i was emptying one of my pockets. haha! xD finally i've found it! no many sorrow for the missing files, reports, formats and etc. =D

(p.s. im just ss-ing again. xP total crap)

goodbye saturdays & sundays~

i can wave all my saturdays and sundays for this month goodbye. i have to go for training every saturday and sunday from 8am till 6pm. 10 hours. until the day of my competition. that is so gan jiong la. i think my homework will be doomed as well. and worse, maybe i'll be grounded! T^T the mid year exam is coming. the monthly test is even nearer! and i've not touched any of my books. oh well, all these 'must' be sacrificed. hope it doest end so bad. xD

so pekchek! ~

why so last minute?
if i am a member, and tell me at this time of the day that i need to attend an activity tomorrow, i dont think i will attend lo.
it is not our fault!
it is all the problems brought by the brains of people who cant think straight.
yea yea yea, good in both academic and co curriculum huh?
not bad, high expectations.
but with what you are doing to the school,
banning all our activities, do you think our school will be good in both academic and co curriculum? i dont think so!
you guys made all the co curriculum bodies pekchek like hell just because of your one sentence!
and you think it is smart?
i say its all rubbish!
stupid rules!

Arggh! == ~

stupid internet connection!
waited for one hour plus already laa..
still cant get to the page i want! T'T
today already really pekchek maa.
still want me to suffer like this ==
why so so so slow?!
i refresh the page a few zillion times already!
so pekchek & so frustrating in school!
hate hate hate! =(
sad sad sad~ haiz ='((((
luckily the line to my blog isnt that slow.
or i'll really go bazooka! >.<

its raining! ~

its raining so heavily.
the school field is gonna be yucky.
my shoe is gonna go byebye.
why why why?
why rain on the day before Sports Day?
so so so bad luck.
my poor feet! T'T
not to mention that i hurt my leg this morning.
somewhere around the knee.
still hurts. hopefully my foot drill tomorrow wont be 'bi4 heng2'.
quite 'xiasui' de lea. xD
rain rain go away! please please please!
xP

fat! xD ~

i looked at weighing scale just now,
and got a shock of my life! xP
[a bit exaggerating la]
i am 2kg heavier!
undeniable, i am really shocked! haha
no wonder when i wanted to wear my sis's pants this morning,
it wouldnt fit! xD
its not the fact that she is younger than me,
i can fit into my sister's cloths easily!
even those that she feels that its tight! haha
but now, oh my gosh!
really gotta slow down on the food i take.
way too much!
well, i wont skip meals,
i'll just control what i take. =D
i dont want to become fatter and fatter! ==