examination blues =p

examinations blues -- a cronical =p

well, it may not be according to the sequence by hey, it was my entertainment when i am almost gonna go ballistic of studying xD those pages were either tips or work i cant master yet and should revise harder.

enjoy! xD

a subject which i thought would be among the easiest to score. who knew. haih! i can keep that thought to myself now. =(

no more Es. peft! yea right. now i am only aiming for a darn E in add maths. ='( anyone good? teach me la wei!! =((

chemistry! ho! i must get this one! must must must! then why am i sitting here? -.-

nothing funny about this subject though.

the 36 moral values i have to memorize. all in this tiny booklet. xD

see how messy is my stuff? xD

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behold! the wonderful story of sejarah! xD

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too much to study, so i depended on the tips. bad eh? but the tips were also a lot! -.-

i am half way through! almost..

nearly..

a lil bit more..

eh, i should be proud eh.. finished and almost ready for the cursed paper. xD

when the paper is over... *wicked smile*

hell no more!!! xD

really xD huh? wit till you see what's below. really really childish. but no choice, too relieved that its over! xD

you are executed from my life for a few weeks!

sejarah not good for students, make us look like pandas! so we must berani kata tak nak! (siva will be on my tail saying:"berani harr....")

mathematics. okay lar. luckily i spent loads of time revising.

and finished the whole thing. =)

biology. too many and sure dont need to sleep. but kinda fell sick already so i slept at 1am. okay lar, considered early already. xD

that is just a dream. yet to be fulfilled. =/

my BM paper. didnt actually finish everything but good enough la. haha. =)

a day in. =(

i am sick! i have been in bed all day since last night, sleeping and sleeping and even more sleeping. ish!

i only woke up at intervals to eat medicine, moist my throat, throw up and pay a visit to the doctor. and why am i here now? because my parents realize that i have been in bed for too long and wanted me to get a life. so they insisted that i wake up and use the computer. -.- brilliant isnt it? lol

i have been like this since yesterday so farewell chemistry, chinese (ohh die~), biology and physics paper 3! so long, farewell! i can see my A flying away like in the tv shows where the money flies from the pocket. how hysterical.

oh well, better refresh my mind faster so i can go study sooner. toodles.

greatest deed. =')

my uncle from the USA came back to visit grandmother. it has been 3 to 4 years since we last saw him.

he came back this time as his sort of 'last' time. he'll be undergoing a surgery (for what, i think i will keep it private) and that surgery, well, i think that's the greatest sacrifice anyone could do. =')

not many people have the courage to do that. i really admire his sacrifice. he is the greatest daddy i've seen. =) good luck and all the best to you and cassie! =)

hopefully we'll get the chance to go to the states to visit you guys as planned. =)

2 weeks gone. =)

okay, finally i went through the two weeks alive! =)

BM -- was still okay i suppose. not much to say about it besides studying sastera until early morning. =(

BI -- first time studying english for so long. i actually took out the dictionary and started flipping it through to find those bombastic words to make my essay better. and i studied literature harder than sejarah! xD i definitely did better this time. =) hopefully it is enough to get an A. i dont want A-! >___<

Modern Maths -- i love you so much! you gave me my first A+ for this midterm! =DD didnt waste my time on you! xD 96!! woots! first time get such high marks for Modern Maths! =)

Sejarah -- thank gawd so many people sent those tips to me. =) thanks! studying from those tips definitely made my life easier. but of course, it is definitely something sinful. =X

Pend. Moral -- aduei~ where got moral so hard one. sampat. dont even know where to stuff those nilaiS. ish! whatever lar. at least i did do my part by memorizing everything. =]

Add. Maths -- i am definitely praying for a pass. a pass is all i am asking for. not only challenging but nerve-breaking. i swore i almost cried while doing it because i knew i'm gonna fail it! >_____< *keeping my fingers crossed!*

Biology -- ho-ho-ho. i used one day to finish the whole Form 4 syllabus. studied till early morning. woke up at 3am to continue studying and was caught red-handed by my daddy and forced me back to sleep. but of course i switched the lights back on once he left. xD studied Form 5 in school. then, at last, okay lar, the paper wasnt very bad. still acceptable. maybe a B+ i guess.

Physics -- kill me now. so many silly mistakes! even for those questions which are so 'chop-vege' punya. -.- memang bodoh! so easy pun kena salah! ish! this paper has been single-handedly threw down the drain by yours sincerely! ish! wth. =(

so next right up is chemistry, BC, biology/physics/chemistry P3 and civics. after that, hallelujah! =DD its the last so must work hard! =)

maybe because i studied too long or something, i am s.i.c.k. haih. a bad throat inflammation. sore throats leads to cough and a runny nose. then eventually i will lose my voice. so should i be praying hard that i dont? because the darn *whoops! did i actually said that out loud? whoops!* competition is next week. and ha-ha, i dont even know what's the command for foot drill yet. geng lea..? what about our first aid box? ha! its not prepared at all! so should i be praying i get better soon? dont need lar! *whoops! i cant believe i said that out loud again >:) *

i spell D.E.A.D.

i am D.E.A.D.

S.O.  D.E.A.D.

wth! so hard for what? T'T haih. i am back to aiming a mere PASS for add maths! what the heck. and my mummy just reminded me this morning to get an A. fine, admit it, i am gonna get a lot of scolding when i get my report card.

i believe it is all in RED!!! >___________________<

lil cousin! =D

i'm gonna have a 'new' cousin brother on tuesday! haha! =DD his name will be jia shen. (sen or shen, his parents are still arguing over the spelling. lol!

i hope he is CUTE!! and NOT as naughty as jia xun! =p but secretly, i hope the ultrasound went wrong and 'he' was a girl instead. XD XD XD seriously, i would like a cousin sister better. =D hehehe

i hope he comes out safely on tuesday morning. =) sorry i cant go see you jia shen, you're coming out on the day before biology! i'm just gonna have to wait for you to come home. =/

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i'll be returning our class hamster to school tomorrow morning. my mummy is obviously very excited that he is gone but i feel like keeping him longer. xD my sister even tried persuading my parents to buy hamsters for us. xD of course it is impossible having a mummy who dislikes pets. =/

anyways, i hope i can bring it home another day where my mummy will surely faint if she sees it again. xD

dreadful.

supposed to be studying but hell, i buei tahan. not disciplined enough, appeared here. -.-

3 subjects which i can achieve Es are next week. add maths, biology and physics! ish! i am supposed to be working my brain, practicing and studying, but i am too lazy i suppose. hehe =p

must strive harder! okla, now that i've actually touched the computer, its time to go back to my table and start working my head. x(

my parents told me not to pressure myself too much. but guess what my mummy said just an hour ago? she said:" you better get at least 9As this time." -.- wth. i am contently happy with 7 and she wants 9 out of 10. how is that even possible? isnt this called pressure? sampat betul. =(

a good night's rest.

sejarah is OFFICIALLY OVER! =D

well, i cant say much about it actually. i studied, of course. but with the help of a few friends (LOL) i managed to get the leaked questions. (i feel that this is very irony, they want the have a whole selangor midterm paper setara punya exam but some schools can actually go through the test sooner than the rest. how to get the setara effect? lol) i studied the leaked questions the whole night! slept ever SOOOOO little. slept at 12am and woke up again at 3am to study again. so my eyes were too dry and tired today. xD

the atmosphere in class was so i-dont-know-how-to-describe-ish. EVERYONE was going round and round, flipping the sejarh textbooks without mercy (i could have sworn the skin on xxx's book was gonna rip off when she flipped the pages) it was just so tension. i mean, STILL so tension with the leaked questions. -.-

paper 1. this paper can throw into the bin lar. why so shit one? why they ask so no-one-will-EVER-look/read punya questions?! lol. those questions were supposed to be in the fail akrib or those small small boxes at the side. -.- ish! i think i sure-die in paper 1.

paper 2. WOOTS! xp as 'foreseen', all those questions came out. =p first time i can answer all 3 soalan esei without much trouble. =D only a bit stuck here and there. and a few tembaks lar of course because i dont have such a perfect brain to support all the data that comes in. -.- i think can get a 60/100. if i get 70/100 for this paper, i think i am G*d already. XD

well, i know it is very unfair to those who studied a lot because they didnt get the tips or maybe those who wanted to depend on themselves. i know its wrong to depend on tips but what-the-heck, i am DESPERATE! I HAVE finished EVERYTHING already last week. but i CANT REMEMBER a single thing! not even a single fact! so how can i NOT depend on the tips? lol. how i wish i can actually score in sejarah with my own effort but that is a hell long way to go. lol.

finally, i can get a good night's sleep. x) i miss my bed! xp (and i miss going out of the house! ><>

in short, week 1, OVER! =)

2 more weeks to go! jia you ar! =)

dang! =(

temptation got the better of me.

look where am i now? lol. in front of the computer.
but i am good enough to just 'touch' the computer and NOT OPEN FACEBOOK.
if i opened facebook, oh die.

okay, time to go back to my dear sejarah textbooks!
I DONT WANT A C FOR SEJARAH!!!! >________<

exams exams =(

alright. tomorrow is the first day of the exams. and er-hem er-hem.. what is yours sincerely doing here? i am still blogging, twitting and facebook-ing. lol. what a failure!

yea, i am absent again today. and i believe i am absent for more than 10 days already this year. and that means that i will be entitled to receive a bloody warning letter from the school authorities soon. VERY soon.

i opened my sejarah textbook and those bloody chapters are like hypnotising me to sleep. what the horror. how PAINFUL is it to actually open my eyes WIDE and try to study. my mind is wondering off to never-ever-land yet my body is still in front of my table. ish!

tomorrow is BM. i decided to study for it tonight. which means i will have to burn the midnight oil eventually. and hey, last PPD test i studied sastera F4 ONLY and its already 3am. this time, F4 and F5? i think i wont be sleeping at all. not to mention for essays as well.

hmm.. this time i am confirmed doomed?? to make sure my results are still presentable, i am gonna bid farewell to my blog, facebook and also twitter. i must do my best in RESISTING myself from touching the computer. self-control! xD

Good Luck To All My Friends! =) Jia You ar!! =D

no more sulking. =)

i promised myself, no more sulking.

NO MORE.

what's the point? i dont see any benefits of me sulking. i'm done. =)

time to move on and i wont look back.

plus, the end of it is just around the corner. one more month, the last of it. and i am awaiting for that day when i can let down my hair without a single strain. =) for another matter, since i cannot bring myself to face it then let time brush it off. i am done. =)

first time. =)

yesterday was the FIRST TIME i ENJOYED training. lol -.-

yesterday night was our last training before our midterm. might be our last training with Dr. Wong. so well, we arranged this, arranged that. and i almost had to fetch 7 people to HQ from eng ann. -.- luckily got zy to help with the transport problem. =p

we ate, we talked, we joked, we laughed. =) felt so relaxed compared to the normal tension. =p while waiting for the doctor, we laughed and talked and of course with our usual sarcasm. xD with a new target? xD

the doctor came and really taught us a lot. well, i realized i would rather attend a theory class for hours instead of a simple practical course. -.- i believe that yesterday's class really helped me with my biology. =X all those bones and organs, those sophisticated terms. the explanation did help me to understand not only from the first aid aspect of our human anatomy but also for the sake of our F5 C1 and C2 of biology.

so, as a conclusion, yesterday was the first time i didnt make any noise about training. first time i actually put my heart into listening what the doctor has to say. =) i hope we have more beneficial trainings like that instead of the normal hell. =D

** p/s. i will not forget what sissy-fied and sissy-fication means. LOL. i cant believe we came up with terms like that. -.- memang terlalu ss. hehehe =)

time to study.

as the title says : time to study! =)

my aim this time : 8As.

i must A my biology this time. if possible, i want to A my sejarah and chinese too. xp hopefully a B+ for both physics and add maths! =)

i want only 1A more than my last term. i got 7As last year. so this term, i aim 8As. the next exam two weeks after the holidays, i'm gonna try aim 9. =p greedy huh? but if i am not greedy, i wont improve! xD

bet-ed with 2 friends of mine. we are to compete who will achieve the best results. xD i hope all of us improve this time. esp her! jia you ar!! =)

i told myself.

i reminded myself,

'zhihan! you are not that weak. no more tears!'

(i really wish i was never that weak. i really wish i'd stop crying every time i face obstacles. but i am fully aware that once i am finished with my tears, i'll stand up and face my challenges.)

'zhihan! why you always break down so easily?! you must stand up and stay strong!'

(i tried. i used all my strength to bear all that. i really worked on it. its just no use.)

'zhihan! quit thinking about this stupid matter! it is worthless and you know it!'

(worthless. yes. but the burden is always there.)

'zhihan! go study and stop bothering!'

(yes, i tried. every time i wanted to study, i will always be reminded of the paperwork that needs to be done.)

'zhihan!! wake up from your dreams and face this cruel world okay?!'

(agreed. but although i'm in reality, my heart is still in my dreams. waiting for all this to end.)

i give up...

i give up. i give up. I GIVE UP!!

i am so fed up and have given up hope. this is really hell to me.

do you guys really think i want it to be that way? do you know how many things i have to change just to suit the ways you guys want? what have i become? i wasnt like this. i never talked so persuasively, i never tried pleading. but now? what have i done?

i really give up. no cooperation. discussions with no answers. just go, GO and do everything you guys wish. i'll bear all you fellas punya fault. just go.. its not like its the first time i get scolding because of you all anyway. what have i done wrong..? :'(

i... dont know what to say anymore. am just so speechless. i just dont know why, some of you wanted me to put my heart into it, but you guys were the one who made me feel like i'm whithering and eventually feel like hell. i've never felt so bad about this and i've never hated this so much.

i envy others, because they do not face the same problem. i envy those, who got support from their friends and families. unlike me.

how i wish i can be someone normal. no need to bear the pain. no need to be so stressed about this. and of course, no need to participate.

i'm tired. i'm crying. but who is there to listen? listen also dont understand, understand also dont care. care also dont bother. no one understands how bad i feel.

i really give up.. please tell me no more.

=(

haih. i am VERY disappointed with my english results. =( i know my friends have heard this for the Nth time but i just cant help it!

I GOT MY VERY FIRST B FOR MY ENGLISH PAPER!

i am definitely NOT going to tell my parents or i'll be skinned alive!! well, i promised myself i will not grumble, i will not be sad about this result because i knew perfectly why it was like this and i should have stopped myself earlier. it was my fault it turned into a B and i wont complaint. D:

okay, i promise I WILL NOT TALK ABOUT MY ENGLISH RESULTS NO MORE!

** Tan Zhi Han! Must work harder for your midterm!! >___<

all done. =)

it seems ECG is something mild-er. the test i went for was EEG. so instead of 10 wires, 25 wires were situated on my scalp. xD xD

the test was quite fast. the technician said a normal patient would take 2 to 3 hours. and i took? 47 minutes. xD hahaha. does it means i am abnormal? there was a column on patient's notes and did she wrote 'spontaneous sleep' -.- she teased me saying that she never had a patient who could go to sleep so fast so early in the morning. xp i can feel the glue she used all over my head/hair and also face. =( yuck! so sticky!

2 hours later, went to the doctor. after looking at the report, he said everything is fine, normal and bla bla bla. of course its normal la dui, the main reason i went to the hospital a few days ago was because i had a very bad stomach ache, not because i am suffering from brain disorder. -.-

the things the doctor ordered me to do which i WONT follow =p ::

1. eat food which contains more salt (because my blood pressure is lower than average)

2. reduce your number of tuitions (lol. -.-)

the rest like drink and water and exercise more, well, those arent a problem. =)

was too exhausted when i reached home. straight to bed after lunch. =D and woke up at 8pm. what a pig! xD

oh well, this is definitely a new experience and i dont think i will ever forget it. xD

'nervous' breakdown?

should i be keeping my fingers crossed..? yea, i should, i should make sure its doubly crossed! lol

am skipping school again tomorrow. well, i've skipped 3 days of school this week. =D bad? or niccee? xD xD will be going for an ECG test tomorrow. from a blotted, garding stomach, i was sent by the somach specialist to the neurologist. -.- apala ni?! i am having severe stomach twitches and that doctor after speaking to me for 1 minute, sent me to a neurologist. sampat! -.- what does a blotted stomach have in common with the brain and nervous system?

ECG. according to my daddy, its those kinds of test we always see in cartoons. lol. those where a guy, girl will be wearing a 'helmet' thingy and then there are dont-know-how-many-wires connected to it. xD xD can you imagine? its something like that and i'll be sleeping while the whole test is going on. it'll take approx 3 hours.

and today, as my friends said it, i seem pretty hyper. and yea, i admit i really am. xD dont know why i just feel so hyper and kept talking, laughing non-stop. -.- eng seng even said that because of my hyper-ness, after the neurologist, they'll sent me to the psychopath department. xD which, i think its kinda true. xp

one more thing i am wondering... i remember the doctor said that they will retrieve some electrons or impulses from my brain or some sort. and the first thing that came in my mind was, "eh, what about all those subs that i've studied? dont they accidentally get them all out or i'll really faint!" hehehe. i know it is kinda impossible, but hey, who knows? lol! my daddy even tried scaring me by convincing me that it might be true. -.- ish!

my mummy called when i was in the hospital on wednesday. and i told her i'm on my way to the neurologist and she screamed. XD my daddy actually heard her scream over the phone and told me "i think your mum fainted already." xD xD hahahahaha. yea yea yea, i know that means my parents love me a lot. X) and of course, i love them too! xp sorry, dad, sorry mum that i've been hiding all those episodes of which i fainted from you guys. i didnt mean to, just that i was afraid of your long lectures. (my daddy was in AWE when i told the doctor which and when i fainted recently because he never realized i fainted so many times without his notice. he-he..? =X)

wish me luck for tomorrow! =)

satisfied. =)

today, i got back my add maths paper. i looked at the marks, i was over the moon! xD xD

I GOT A B!!!!

only my add maths and physics paper will make me THIS happy with a B. xD xD getting As for these two papers are like miracles that would never happen. but of course, now i've gotten a B, i will have to maintain that B and also aim higher next time. =)

first time get a B lea.. xp simple UB pun boleh fail but this ppd test get B pulak. =DDD so glad. =]

et darling, you are NOT getting anything cuz you promised i'll get an A. xD xD xD xD xD but still, thanks yo! =)

thanks zy! =)

sounds promising.

i am acting very selfish. i am sorry for being so selfish, but this is my only way of defending myself. the sense of being able to make myself feel better and not so tensed. sorry.

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no matter how much i hate it, i'll just try. this time, they are the reason why i continued this journey reluctantly. the 9 of them.

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i've learnt something and i swear i wont make the same mistake.

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i am a very lucky girl. because no matter what happens to me, i can always get out of it. =] i should just be thankful and live my life to the fullest as i should.

(i really feel that i am a very lucky girl, just that i dont know how to live my life to the fullest -.-)

latihan berfokus.

hmm.. i thought i did ever so badly due to some reasons. and well, i didnt do THAT bad after all.

i believe i've passed my add maths? lol. 53/80 for paper 1. as long as i get 19/100 for paper 2, i would have passed my add maths. to get a 60, i'll need a 55/100. hmm.. maybe a C i think. =) with a C, i am happy enough for add maths.

sejarah. it seems i wont fail after all. =D 34/40 for paper 1. not bad..? xD xD but i dare not look at paper 2. should be horrifying. =X

english. what the horror! i heard from our civics's teacher that there was a student in my class who wrote on the topic about good results not being able to guarantee a good future and stuff, she said that student wrote things that are slightly offensive and so far i know, i am the only in my class who wrote on that topic? -.- cham lo!!! =( sure die.

as for the rest, all As except a C for bio. even physics pun A! =DD first time! hahahahaha!

TZH! Jia You Jia You!! midterm pia pia pia! dont let the xxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx affect you! =DDD

great outdoors.

to get away from the hell in my life, i went to botanic this morning with soh ling, her brother and zhi yin. shao qian and wei leong was there as well. xD

oh ya, before i start any further into this post, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZHI YIN! xD go get your lisence and fetch me around, get it? =p

zy and i walked from her house to sl's. i always liked the park outside zy's house. how good will it be if i am living in that kind of area. X) sl's daddy fetched us to the club to play badminton. haha! at least something to let me chill after everything that has happened.

being in that club was something really xiasui for us because everyone there was like so pro and we were like so bad. xD memang memperxiasuikan. but at least we had fun. =)

zy and i against sl and her brother. it was kinda awkward at first but as time passed, we started to wack the racket hard. lol. and whoops, i actually accidentally smashed one at zy. xp sorry lar, shou xing po! xD haha

at a period, zy teamed up with shao qian and i teamed up with wei leong to play doubles. that was chi kek la wei. =D ooi, when can we go again? =DD

it has been a long time since i last played badminton for so long. =) felt much better, felt refreshed and definitely felt more lively. =D

will be going for larian bersama bomba tomorrow morning. means i'll have to wake up super duper early. gotta reach school by 5am. decided to join in the race instead of taking care of other people's property like last week. ngek ngek ngek! =p

i love the great outdoors! <3

random thoughts.

1. how childish of me to think of them like that? oh, i'm sorry. =( i should have thought of them as if the worst!!! >:(

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2. physical appearance are the mask of all crimes. look decent, but inside its a hell lot of sweet, white lies!

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3. NEVER look down on people. NEVER test other people's patience. you will never know when they will break their limit. so sometimes, just shut the hell up and leave.

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4. when i mean i hate something, i mean i hate that thing a lot!

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5. make a wrong move and brace yourself to face the consequences.

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6. i once thought it was a world filled with fun and laughter. =D but now, its just a world filled with fear and terror D:

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7. i wonder when will i actually break down? i really wonder.