nice! =D

this MP3 is so so so nice!

super duper nice!

i want one! xD

the head piece is actually both the music player and the headphones!

pardon me for my sampat-ness.

this is the first time i saw something so so so nice!

surprisingly it is not really expensive for a thing so high-tech.

even my lousy hp cost more than this.

it costs RM 299.

i want one i want one! xD

(i can have one.... in my dreams, that is. =( )

end of August.

it has come to the end of August. 2 more days and it'll be the starting of a new month. that means a month closer to the year end exam. and dang it! i havent started my revision. thanks to lazy me, im flunking. when my parents asks me why, i'll tell them because i dont feel like studying anymore? hmm.. maybe that'll be a good reason. maybe i'll get myself out of that situation after getting 2 slaps on the face, just so i know shame is 5-fingered.

on the other side, i still have difficulty sleeping at night. really really hard to get myself to sleep and hell knows why. i tossed and turned on my bed for 3 hours last night before i fell asleep. all those horrible nights. all those unbearable nights. when i can finally get myself to sleep, i have nightmares. so dramatic. hate those nights, cold under the covers and restless.

sometimes i just feel like getting out of the city and go to the country side. go to a wide field where i can oversee the horizon. lay there and watch the scenery, watch the sky, watch the stars. or maybe just shout my throat out to cool myself down. i want to go about, go relax, go get a good night sleep...

that's all i want. is that too much to ask for?

chat with mom.

someone once told me something about arrows.
mom asked me,
told me not to 'simply' shoot,
"what do you plan to study after secondary?"
or he'll be deeply hurt.
i replied, '' science? ''
i promised i wont shoot.
she said, " go find a college or university in Melbourne."
something triggered the arrow.
"what if i cant find a suitable one?"
but i wasnt the one who shot that arrow.
"there will be one."
i was the victim of the opponents arrow.
"what if its not good enough?"
when he is happily ruling his life,
"you'll find your way around"
i am in hell.
me, * speechless *
how can somebody fetch me from earth to heaven,
mom, "dont forget you should try and work after SPM"
and throw me down from heaven to hell?
*stared at her with an opened mouth*
although i have gotten myself back to earth,
"mom, i havent finish my Form4.."
but i am wondering, when will i be back in heaven once more?
what a topic, really 'fei' and ending up so darn speechless.
from the bottom of my heart, i sincerely wish both of you all the best.
you are better off without me. i can see she loves you much more than i do.

the wilderness.

hmm.. my thoughts are really going out to the wild. cant get them back into where they belong. but i dont want all of them back though. those unwanted ones, please get out and stay out. and out of everything to be good at, my memory for dates (as in 'tarikh', not date dates.) are overwhelmingly good. == is there any way i could possibly sweep it out?

reading other peoples' blog is a leisure. i can see their hearts portrayed right out to be seen. as for me, i spill it lil' by lil'. i feel glad to have my friends listening to what i have to say.

'' what is left behind, stays behind; what heals, will eventually follow. i'll pick up the healing pieces and smash the wounded pieces.."

" experience is what i need to analyse my future experiments."

" if you dont try, you'll never know what's gonna happen. take the risk and take the first step."

" things dont always evolve around you, learn to take it and face it. if you dont like it, just leave it. "

" when dreams dont come true, then it is time to wake up to face the nightmares."

" i live my life. =) "

these few sentences have been revolving around my head these few days. i think i am turning psycho. aid me, anybody?

my holidays.

my hols are a complete waste of time. *poo woo*
i spent 80% of my days counting the pixels of the computer.
10% gaining weight.
10% in my dreams.
so isnt that a complete waste?
i want to go out and have fun!
for once all my delta tuitions are cancelled and i still have to stay at home.
what a sad story. *sigh*

on the other hand, like sp said,
I SERIOUSLY NEED HARDWORKING PILLS. ==
all my homework is tossed aside and i am moaning that i am bored.
this hols should be used to study..??
and yet i am in front 24/7.
need motivation to open my books.
but what?
made bets with my sis, very BIG bets, but still, motionless.
made my parents talk some sense into me, still pointless.
in conclusion, i am not motivated nor am i in a mood to study.
can i enjoy more first before i meet my dear RED-all-over results? ==

late nights.

have been sleeping really late these few days.
dont know what's going on.
every night my mind swirls.
making big turns and going across the seven seas.
but really, i dont know what is on my mind.
when i want to know what am i thinking,
i see blank, a total blank.
i cant make it come back so i can sleep peacefully.
kept staring at my ceiling with an 'empty' mind.
waited for at least one hour everyday before i can possibly drift into my sleep.
and sleeping that late caused me a huge headache in the morning.
what torture.

does anybody have antidotes to this?
i dont want to look like i was in a fight with rims around my eyes when i go back to school. ==

p.s. hey, you, yes you, the one who called me last midnight.
yes, i am talking to you, thank you. =)
you shouldnt thank me, i should thank you.
it was easier getting to sleep after a long chat.
thanks again, my friend. =)

a quiz result.

took a quiz regarding the topic "Are You Satisfied With Your Life? " just a few moments ago. i answer to the questions were mostly Yes's' and just one or two No's'.

my results and i am happy with it. =)
"You live a satisfying life even when it's not easy. You are dedicated to being happy.You make sure to what you're passionate about. You don't waste any moments.You surround yourself with people you cherish. There is a lot of love in your life.You are thankful for everything you have. You don't take anything for granted. "

live life to the fullest!
no u-turns, no regrets.
look forward and welcome a new day no matter how bad a day it is.

live. life. love. =)

reflection.

i saw something which reflects me.
it reminded me of i looked like.
looked so empty, looked so lifeless.

when i saw that,
the first thing to come to my mind was myself.
i saw myself in that position,
in that look.
that numb look.

i knew,
that was because something fell too deep inside.
to see that scene was a nightmare.
only thing to do was to look away and bear with it.

i saw myself.
i know what was inside.
i know that feeling.
and i felt sorry.

it was like i was gazing into a mirror,
an image showing me.
it was like i was in a time machine,
seeing myself standing in front of me.
seeing that numb look.
seeing that empty look.

it must work out!
it will work out!
i believe it will! =)

i hope to see the shine. =)
i hope to see the color. =)
i hope to see that SMILE. =)
you will do fine. =)

*i hope i am wrong about the paragraphs in white. i WANT to be wrong about it. everything must go right like the paragraph in orangie-yellow. =D *

my buddies =)

my friends, my buddies.
they are why this world is colouful.
they are why this world is glorious.
they are why i love school so much.
they are my friends. =)

remembered what we said last year?
we must be all be in the same class.
at least 5 of us are. =D
i am glad i turned around more often this week.
felt like home. ^__^

an experience.

an experience that is hard to forget.

walked to tuition today. seriously, i was already walking on other people's garden. and suddenly, i felt a bump on my thigh. then, i felt a prickly and a very strong push on the lower limb. after a few seconds only did i realize a car just bumped into me. or more specific, my limb. the next second, i found out that i was cursing. lol. xDD luckily i only got some scratches, a lil' bruise here and there and suffer the lost of the dermis layer of the skin. size about 10cm*3cm. huge much.

that stupid car missed me by inches laa.. hello! idiot much. how can you drive and turn into a junction with out even signalling? and hello! you are driving way too out of where you should be. i am walking on other people's garden and you are DRIVING on other people's garden. idiot you. how much i would give to whack some sense into you, you fool. if you came closer by a few more inches, i would have lost my limb! and if that happens, you are so dead meat. [out of anger i might even break your thigh =D ]

dilemma

in a dilemma..

yes or no?

quite a hard choice.

follow my heart or follow my mind?
its useless in both ways, because my mind and my heart says 'no comment'.
=_________lol_________=

seriously, yes or no?

how can i make this decision?

a. total. blank.

by flipping a coin or by throwing a dice?
it might be easier that way. =X

coping and knowing.

thanks for the inform. =D
if you are reading this then you know i am talking about you.
i have to admit, although not in your face,
i feel kinda weird at first.
but any how, i will have to accept it eventually, right? =)
dont worry, i am not the type who will hate you forever or try to kill you behind your back.
sorry, just give me some time. ok?
we are always best friends//jimuis//ss-ing gang, right?
as your jimui, i will want you to be happy. =)
as for me, i will stand up eventually. =D

*her name*, happy always! =DD *smiles*

my greed & faults.

yep. i am greedy.
and i am fully aware of that.
i know i am in the worng yet it is hard for me to accept.

yep. i am stubborn.
i know it is not your fault.
yet i would like to blame it fully on you.

yup. i am disgusting.
i know my faults.
yet i still want to say i am right.

yup. i am stupid.
stupid enough to not know,
maybe you guys were really there.

yes. i hated it.
i hated when that happens.
yet i dont know what to do but to blame everything onto you guys.

yes. i am the most ridiculous person around.
maybe you guys are right.
i am always the one who is wrong.
yet i really want to know,
why me?

skipped class.

i skipped school today. feel so meaningless to go to school when half of the morning is empty.

first reason, i dont want to go for PJK. next reason, i hate the pervert PK teacher. next again, all the classes before recess empty. only one teacher is teaching -- math. sorry teach, i dont want to hear your high-pitched and higher-by-one-or-two-octaved voice on a good saturday morning.

i stayed at home. weird thing was that i jumped out of bed at 6 am. the usual time i got up to go to school. and the thing is, i find it hard to get back to sleep. xD finally woke up at 11am. (broke my own record. i've never been later than 10am. ) spend most of my time reading and using the internet of course. haha. but mind you, i wasnt reading as in doing revision. im reading my new books. =DD had some rest after a long week. =)

mum did something very surprising. she bought both my and my sis extra large pencil cases. she said that was because she find our 'tiny' cases very packed. i have to admit, it was quite nice + funny. haha.
thanks mum! xDD

simple and nice?

somebody asked me :
"what would i do if i have a simple and nice life?
to lay back, relax and go with the flow.."
hmmm..

seriously, i dont think i will like it. =____=
because i am quite used to this hectic life. xP
i think i'd prefer to be a busy girl running around all day then to stay still. haha.
i'd prefer to be preoccupied with things i like to do.
(when i say i dont like to do it, i 'pekchek-ed' over it, sulked over it, complained about it, loath it, swear about it, but if i ended up finishing that piece of work, means i still like it. xD )
i enjoy and not simple and not nice life. XD
i dont know why. lalala.
it feels better than my books. =D

with more bumps and more knocks,
i believe i can experience more.
i want to explore? haha.
and i want to live life to the fullest!
(even if that means more pekchek-ing days. lol. =DD )

emo?

people tell me that i am very emo lately. or better, i heard that many people are very emo lately. can anybody tell me whether am i the only one emo-ing or is everybody else emo-ing as well?

today i advice somebody to go into class early and not loiter. this somebody has never been in class on time. the chances are 1/100. and now this somebody still wants to go around looking for another 2 with the same fate. personally, i think, if this somebody really found the other 2, they wont be in class for another 2 hours. i advice her is because she's my friend, but i got an insult instead. (it sounded like an insult. because this somebody never said that before) fine then. i dont care. if you get into trouble, that's not because of xxxM. its because of the three of you love to talk, lepak and not go back to class.

i asked for help from a friend in class yesterday. she was really very very free. she was doddling in her notebook. so i asked her to help me fill in a few things. she said no prob. and after half an hour, she has not done a thing! she didnt fill in a word or so when i've already finished around 20+ forms. earth to xxx! what are you doing? somehow i wonder, why do i have friends like this?

friends? nevermind. i dont want to know your answer.
you guys were never there.
to me, i am just a tool for you guys.
can i say i quit?
i'll feel better that way,

8/8/09

finally it's over.
i dont know whether i am happy about that or not.
happy because finally i've completed this activity.
sad is because seniors were disappointed and so am i.
an achievement? or a disappointment?
有其senior, 必有其junior.
you guys trained them, so you guys should know them.
sorry, no offence, honestly, i dont think it was entirely my fault.
it was my fault i trusted the wrong people.
but it was not my fault their attitude was like that.
you guys knew i scolded them in front of everybody.
you guys knew i was angry just as you guys are.
hey, i really did give them all i've got.
i did not select those they chose to put.
besides, who were the ones who ran away from everything that has a mirror and a flash? you guys.
so how am i going to give them nice ones when there isnt any?
please be more reasonable? please?
yes, i know, everything ran late.
the luck was not on our side.
but at least we were still early in the end, ok?
and yes, it was really not presentable.
but you guys havent seen the first one.
if you've seen that, you'll say this is much much better.
honestly speaking, i've given up the will to please you all a long time ago.
what's the point?
i'm the new appointed secretary today.
i am happy about it.
really, i am really really delighted.
but because of what happened, it means nothing.
fine fine fine.
why should i be upset over spilt milk?
regretting does not make up for anything.
what's over is over.
like it or not, just take it or leave it.

disappointed.

quite angry for myself for giving them a chance.
really really angry at myself for getting myself into this kind of filthy situation.
gotta pick up my own mess.
gotta get everything back right on track.
please-o-please-o-pretty-please with a cherry on top!
let this activity go well.
i solute my vivian for making it a success last year.
i wonder how she did it.
for me, its a miracle if everything works out >.<

busy or free.

congratulations to me! lol.
i've finished photocopying almost every homework there is.
woohoo!!! i know its bad, but at least i finished it, dont you think? haha
there was less than 20 people in my class today, so none of the teachers taught.
so the whole day nothing to do, because i've finished photocopying. lol.
slept, ponteng, ate.. did almost everything we are not allowed to do in class.
the teachers dont even seem to care if i am out.
kinda regret going to school today.
should have slept at home. =D

AGM is coming.
and everything is in a mess.
the classes, the devices, the preparations.
all a failure.
is it because we do not have time to apply last week?
or is it because i was the one who failed this activity?
i dont think i am capable.
hopefully this activity goes smoothly.
that's my only hope for now. =)

future? lol.

my class went for a talk about how to further our studies or something like that this morning. the talk was given by a few ex-kwang hua-rians who went to the UK and it seems that they got into the top 6 universities or something. xP mind me, i wasnt listening.

the only thing i remembered was something about 3-weeks-of-preparation-is-needed-if-you-want-to-pass-your-interview. as in scholarship interview i think. so we began talking regarding the topic that hueykhim must start to prepare her speech already. and it might not be good because she only have 3 days instead of 3 weeks. haha. 3 days for her to get ready to be the new division chairman. bwahaha! just kidding. we all know it is a joke. and her arch rival, engseng has to perpare one too. xDD

in the end, most of the science class students went to ask the spokesman regarding their college//scholarships//universities.... which i am totally not interested because they are studying the fields that i loath so so so much. (Sorry, no offence, but i really am not interested >.< ) so, we, the groupie of sampats, started our own group. and of course, we talked about mostly non-sense, but still, i get to know what all of use really are interested in. i know myself, that i do not want to try anything to do with business or finance. i cannot bare looking at statistics or facing the calculator the whole day. for me, i like science, so i think i'll further my studies there. xP

as for my friends who still dont know their direction, dont worry, you'll know it sooner or later. do your best now and maybe one day you all will major in something. haha. i am far worse, love science, science results so un-presentable. ==

exhausted.

seriously, many people are falling sick lately.
some of the people i know are in bed instead of in class.
and i was wondering something...

WHY CANT I BE LIKE THEM?!

i want to be in bed the whole day!
i want to sleep.
i want to rest.
i want to get away from everything.
i dont want to face reality.
it is so lifeless, so not meant to be.

i am tired.
i feel sore.
my whole body aches.
i think i will be joining my friends soon.
i am having a quite-bad sorethroat right now.

do i wish to get well soon?
or do i wish to fall sick sooner?
i rather suffer the pain of being sick then to sleep through my classes.
haih! let's just see whether i will topple one fine day.

to my friends who are sick,
take care, rest more and get well soon!
because, if you two are sick,
i have to clean up our garbage!
dont do that to me!
we are in the same department de lea.
come back to school and tolong laa.. xD
just kidding, get well soon! =)

for myself, hope i can finsih my homework in time and rest more as well >.<

11th Anniversary =)

woohoo!!! it is finally over!!! our efforts this 2 years were not wasted! although most of the things were done last minute, but at least we made it! so so so glad!

i have never tried doing so many things in one day. yesterday, i draw the banner for the stage, all four (coloured by jiaxin, chaiwoon, siaujia, zhsuen, jinying and me). i practiced dancing with my groups. i helped a little bit on covering the hall with the cloth. i helped to move the tables and chairs. it was really tiring. and later at night, around 10+, huigee came over to my house and we discussed everything our department needs with engseng online. we also discussed about the music for souvenir giving, arrival of VIP and so on. discussed until around 12am. hg, my sis and me practised our dance again before she went home. haha. packed my stuff, found out that i had brought 6 pairs of shoes to school and 4 sets of clothes. i think i am camping in school. lol.

huigee came over at 5am this morning again so i can teach her how to put on contact lenses. we were in school by 6.30pm. and the most excited thing today was, i actually climbed into the school hall upstairs through a locked gate! hahaha. because the gate is still locked. we climbed to check every door and window. we found our way in through the metal gate. haha. really 'qi kek'! i still cant believe i did that. then when the jaga came to unlock the door, all of us upstairs were so so so darn quiet. like we are robbing somebody. haha. after the gate was opened, we all started off with the pameran in pusat activity. everybody helped to carry tables and ping pong tables down to pusat activity. we make it look like a real maze. haha.

by the time the pameran is done, we still have around 2 hours. we went up to the hall to help with the opening ceremony. i cant believe that we still have time for a rehearsal of all the performance. we were not as rushing as we thought we were supposed to be.as a part of the program department, i changed into my new full uniform. feels weird, so not comfy because it is really very very tight!!! engseng, huigee and me walked around the whole compound of our activity just to make sure everything is as planned.

the problem today was everything started right on time but the not all the VIPs gave their speech as planned on the agenda. and the opening ceremony didnt take as long as we plan too. so we are early by exactly 1.5 hours. so we must drag at the performance. i solute the emcees! oh my gawd! they really can brag. brag nonsense that really helped us a lot to cover up the time. they should be awarded 'The Most Sampat and Long-winded Emcees in KH'. hehehe!! =DD

the performance should be ok, i did watch quite a few. hehe. i danced 2 dances, and i think it went well. so as leng chang lo. haha. it was really exciting. i dont really have stage fright. i am more afraid i will forget the steps. so i kept looking at those standing beside me to see which is the next step. the lucky thing was, in both the dances, those who taught us the dance was standing right beside me, so it was much more easier. haha =)

in the end, the free dance was a bit ss-ing. not much people joined in the fun. but it was still ok. i was happy that most of the seniors said we did a good job. i know there are things we have to change, but for first timers, i think it was really 'swell'! =D overall i will give a 7/10. hehe. it was really troublesome to work on such a big event. really have to sacrifice a lot. for me, i missed one whole week of class, 1 whole week of afternoon tuitions and got myself in argument with my parents about my studies. first time being a part of such a big event. i really learnt a lot. and lastly, i am really happy =)