today, another day..

i was thinking, what if(s)..
what if everything was what its supposed to be?
what if we cant change anything?
what if i was wrong about my decision?
what if i was wrong from the start?
what if . . .

i dont dare to bring myself to think about it anymore..
its not that simple, its something more than that..
i felt lost around a few months ago
(although im not saying when)..
i decided, why not try this route again..
this time i might be right..
but im wrong again..

so..
maybe it was meant to be wrong..
maybe it was never right in the first place..
felt so dumb,
felt like a kid,
felt like im binded with ropes..
cant get loose..
struggling and struggling..
barely holding on..

i know somebody will say
" wuuhuu~! i win! you lost! "
i know somebody will be happy..
i know what's suppose to happen next..
i can see it in front of me..
but what can i do?
it seems this way..
im helpless~