sick-bound.

because i am SO SO sick. i could not go for the Top Ten Performance. why? why? why? dang it. eh, i am very lack of duty hours and my body is stopping me from getting it. dang! stayed at home watching tv and online instead. wanted to get some shut eye but couldnt force myself to sleep, must be because i slept too much yesterday. ==

some may be wondering why i am still so spiritful although i am seriously ill. my explanation is : duh! the exam's over. nothing to worry about. so i still am the noisy girl. xD

gotta say sorry to my parents, i treated them quite unpolitely. sorry, not that i wanted to. just cant help myself. == really sorry ><

###

opened up the sealed box today. to get something out of there. and i feel.. how to describe that feeling..? hmm.. nothing? yes. as a matter a fact, i feel nothing. =D better to feel nothing than to feel guilt-ridden.

now, i really do believe in miracles. =)

these few lines lost their original meaning but it is replaced by something new. =)
"i do believe,
miracles will happen,
............................................."
the missing words will be found in a book with the year 2009 on it. *winks*

sophisticated.

so this is life.
everytime when i thought something would be ok, it never will be ok.
when i thought something is bound to go wrong, its alright.
not that i am moaning that its not good,
but its somehow a pain in the neck when i know things arent going right.
life is sophisticated.
so sophisticated.

lost a friend,
gained a friend,
lost a friend again.

read something,
thought i remembered,
forget at last,
re-reading again.

done something,
thought it was right,
as days pass,
found out its all wrong.

it goes in a circle, so confusing.
spinning and spinning over one little thing over and over again.
sophisticated world.
makes sense in a very complicated way.

world war III

i've witnessed world war III earlier this evening. believe me, it was very very scary.

i really pity Party A. i felt so sorry for her. it's not entirely her fault to be in the situation she is in now. she just seemed like she lost everything. i symphatize her.

Party B, its not their fault at all either. they cant do things that are not right. they have their future, they have their families. Party A just cant make them do what they are not willing to do.

i heard yells, shouts and doors slamming all over the house. i saw fingers pointing away, words coming out of their mouths like bullets, non-stop arguing. not a good situation for the 'kids'. ended up babysitting.

a word to you, A,

" i know i know, you worked very hard for that. you saved cent by cent to build up that thing. but time is up. it is time to let go now. let those who are capable, or let those who should claim that 'thing' claim it. dont make yourself so stressed by worrying about it everyday. you talk about this topic all the time. Party B have already gone immune to what you have to say. i know i do not have the right to talk but please la, leave them alone. they have their lifes to live. their family. just leave it, put it down ok? Party B will not take charge directly, but they will find a solution to it. in the mean time, dont go looking for trouble. you are not a kindergardener looking for a fight. you should stay home and rest. i rather you bug me everyday and make me insane than to witness world war IV. help them. help yourself."

** i am aware that both parties will never view this post nor ever in their minds would they have thought that this was what i was thinking when i was babysitting. i am also aware that i am just a 'kid' and i'm not suppose to stuck my head into this kind of 'ugly' situations. this is just a piece of my mind.

last day.

last day of the hols.

and i am still in front of the computer. just came back from swimming about an hour ago. school reopens tomorrow. bag not packed, homework not done, brain not prepared. i will be spending my afternoon sleeping because i'm tired from swimming for so long just now. [tommorrow in school you'll see how tan i've become. even a chocolate brownie is fairer. ]

haih. hoping for the best. tried my best to make this hols work but still it is a total failure. maybe when the school announces the actual date of the exam then i will be anxious, 'excited' and may more sleepless night reach me. maybe i'll turn some pages later tonight. hopefully i did turn some pages of course.

my friday.

today is friday. a typical friday. another 2 more days and that's it. the hols is over. exams are coming. more things to crack my head about.

what have i been doing today? hmm.. guess what, i went SHOPPING again. can i quit shopping? oh ya, correction, window shopping. Hello?! knock-knock! shopping is fun, but what's the fun of window shopping? [no offence.] dont have the $$ to buy anything and still window shop? seriously, i hate window shopping. because i can only stare at all those amazing stuff. why cant i be like my aunt? dang it! she can buy anything she likes! and when i say anything, i really meant ANYTHING. from watches to bags to shoes. no matter what's the price, as long as she likes it, she owns it. how good is that? too bad, i dont have the $$. she told me to give my opinion on a bag she adored in clarks. when i saw the bag, i was like "ewww!!" and said "no-sure-ie, not my style. xD " and i looked at the price, i almost dropped the bag in front of the sales girl. [luckily i didnt. i would need to get 10 times 11As in my school exams, get the good achievement award 10 times to pay back for that bag! kwang hua-rians, surely you could guess how much its worth. == ]

O K, back to the topic, i tried to open my books today and i still failed to do so. opened up my chemistry books again. lay them on my table. tried to study. ended up day dreaming and playing with my sis. she has the same problem. open the books and the mind starts swirling. the day dreaming type of swirl.

is there a master degree for wasting time? i think i can get that degree with a hand behind my back. =X i am going for public duty tomorrow, from early morning until 6pm in the evening. so there goes my saturday. as for sunday, i'm going out. swimming in the morning and dont know what family activity in the afternoon. by the time i come back, bye bye sunday, hello monday! haih =(

september is ending. october is coming. can i skip october? please? pretty please with a cherry on top? i'm in living hell going through october. no octobers, please? can i straight go to november? i want to skip the big test. i want to skip hell.

Day 3 & 4

did one thing the whole day for day 3 and day 4.

SHOPPING.

thought i could study but mum said since she's not working, might as well go shopping. supposed to be a happy thing? but i keep thinking about my books at home. lol. but when i reached home at night, i headed for the computer. then my dad kept 'suan siao' saying : 'her revision is the program in the computer. everyday computer computer computer.' but what to do? sorry dad, sorry mum, i love the computer too much. xP

4 days went pass ever so fast. i used $$ faster than the clock ticking. i burnt a large hole in my sweet daddy's pocket on sunday. thank you dad, for letting me burn that big big hole. hehe. i didnt expect you would agree. xP
TQ TQ =)

exams exams.

my teacher said that exams is just 3 weeks away. she was babbling on and on about what we have no more time to study, cant just enjoy the days. really lack of time. yada yada yada. she is scaring me. and now, i really believe i do not have time anymore. [frankly, i really am lack of time.] the 'dead-end' is on 5th of October. i'll be dead by then. >,<





can i even dream about getting this grade? nuh! dont think so. not even a single subject. yicks! i think i have a big probability of flunking each subject though. is that 'good' enough? it is not that i dont want to study, it is not because i am too busy to study, it is because i am lazy ._.




and so, i will end up like this during the exam. staring hard at the piece of paper, twisting my brain when it is a total blank. then, i will 'tembak'. when i tembak, the chances of getting it right is nil. isnt that a shame? so can someone slap me to let me know shame is 5-fingered? if i really pick up my books and study after that slap, i bet you, i'll thank you for life. xD no heart to study, yet dont want to get bad grades? impossible. haih.

no daylight.

i tuned the volume up on my music player.
i laid on my bed staring at the ceiling.
this time, instead of the intention to sleep,
i let my thoughts wonder.

i got up,
i walked around my room,
picking up some stuff on the way.
i took out a box,
stuffed all of them inside.
i dont think they need to see daylight anymore.

after everything is inside,
i closed the lid.
taking a last good look.
i sworn i wont open that lid again,
because i dont think there is such a need to do so.

i took daylight away from those stuff,
as they brought the storm to me.
i took daylight away,
since they seem to be smiling when im down.
i took daylight away for they dont need it.

the box is closed,
'sealed'.
there is no need to open that box.
unless its time to chuck it in the bin.

trust.

trust, something very important.
i would love to trust. but i darent.
thought it might get the life out of me.
not trusting is a burden.
trusting is believing.
believing is faith.
i do not believe,
i do not trust,
i do not have faith.

conclusion:
stupid.

lesson learnt:
always trust your love ones, dont regret trusting them because if you mean a lot to them, they wont decide to hurt you =)

back to school.

went back to school yesterday. felt much happier =) glad to see all my friedns again. unexpectedly, i am glad to see all my teachers too! xD although i dont miss their lessons. xP

my summary for this holiday:
-- holiday plan failed [obviously]
-- wasted a lot of time [in front of all the addicting games. silly me. >< ]
-- made myself a total wreck [emotional problems? guess so. ]
-- stressed myself out [for what i also dont know. feel stupid. == ]
-- found out i am truly very very very lazy. [true. so true.]

guess i really need more hard work than i thought.
planned my hols so well, but i ended up wasting it. =(
need to rush up all the never-ending homework.

TZH! gotta wake up!
rest time is over!
get up and work for it!
term end test is just around the corner.
must improve all my subs unless i want to get back the same stupid results!
must not get another paper with the lowest mark in my class!
pia pia pia! xDD
[hopefully that is =P ]

the wilderness.

hmm.. my thoughts are really going out to the wild. cant get them back into where they belong. but i dont want all of them back though. those unwanted ones, please get out and stay out. and out of everything to be good at, my memory for dates (as in 'tarikh', not date dates.) are overwhelmingly good. == is there any way i could possibly sweep it out?

reading other peoples' blog is a leisure. i can see their hearts portrayed right out to be seen. as for me, i spill it lil' by lil'. i feel glad to have my friends listening to what i have to say.

'' what is left behind, stays behind; what heals, will eventually follow. i'll pick up the healing pieces and smash the wounded pieces.."

" experience is what i need to analyse my future experiments."

" if you dont try, you'll never know what's gonna happen. take the risk and take the first step."

" things dont always evolve around you, learn to take it and face it. if you dont like it, just leave it. "

" when dreams dont come true, then it is time to wake up to face the nightmares."

" i live my life. =) "

these few sentences have been revolving around my head these few days. i think i am turning psycho. aid me, anybody?

late nights.

have been sleeping really late these few days.
dont know what's going on.
every night my mind swirls.
making big turns and going across the seven seas.
but really, i dont know what is on my mind.
when i want to know what am i thinking,
i see blank, a total blank.
i cant make it come back so i can sleep peacefully.
kept staring at my ceiling with an 'empty' mind.
waited for at least one hour everyday before i can possibly drift into my sleep.
and sleeping that late caused me a huge headache in the morning.
what torture.

does anybody have antidotes to this?
i dont want to look like i was in a fight with rims around my eyes when i go back to school. ==

p.s. hey, you, yes you, the one who called me last midnight.
yes, i am talking to you, thank you. =)
you shouldnt thank me, i should thank you.
it was easier getting to sleep after a long chat.
thanks again, my friend. =)

an experience.

an experience that is hard to forget.

walked to tuition today. seriously, i was already walking on other people's garden. and suddenly, i felt a bump on my thigh. then, i felt a prickly and a very strong push on the lower limb. after a few seconds only did i realize a car just bumped into me. or more specific, my limb. the next second, i found out that i was cursing. lol. xDD luckily i only got some scratches, a lil' bruise here and there and suffer the lost of the dermis layer of the skin. size about 10cm*3cm. huge much.

that stupid car missed me by inches laa.. hello! idiot much. how can you drive and turn into a junction with out even signalling? and hello! you are driving way too out of where you should be. i am walking on other people's garden and you are DRIVING on other people's garden. idiot you. how much i would give to whack some sense into you, you fool. if you came closer by a few more inches, i would have lost my limb! and if that happens, you are so dead meat. [out of anger i might even break your thigh =D ]

skipped class.

i skipped school today. feel so meaningless to go to school when half of the morning is empty.

first reason, i dont want to go for PJK. next reason, i hate the pervert PK teacher. next again, all the classes before recess empty. only one teacher is teaching -- math. sorry teach, i dont want to hear your high-pitched and higher-by-one-or-two-octaved voice on a good saturday morning.

i stayed at home. weird thing was that i jumped out of bed at 6 am. the usual time i got up to go to school. and the thing is, i find it hard to get back to sleep. xD finally woke up at 11am. (broke my own record. i've never been later than 10am. ) spend most of my time reading and using the internet of course. haha. but mind you, i wasnt reading as in doing revision. im reading my new books. =DD had some rest after a long week. =)

mum did something very surprising. she bought both my and my sis extra large pencil cases. she said that was because she find our 'tiny' cases very packed. i have to admit, it was quite nice + funny. haha.
thanks mum! xDD

simple and nice?

somebody asked me :
"what would i do if i have a simple and nice life?
to lay back, relax and go with the flow.."
hmmm..

seriously, i dont think i will like it. =____=
because i am quite used to this hectic life. xP
i think i'd prefer to be a busy girl running around all day then to stay still. haha.
i'd prefer to be preoccupied with things i like to do.
(when i say i dont like to do it, i 'pekchek-ed' over it, sulked over it, complained about it, loath it, swear about it, but if i ended up finishing that piece of work, means i still like it. xD )
i enjoy and not simple and not nice life. XD
i dont know why. lalala.
it feels better than my books. =D

with more bumps and more knocks,
i believe i can experience more.
i want to explore? haha.
and i want to live life to the fullest!
(even if that means more pekchek-ing days. lol. =DD )

8/8/09

finally it's over.
i dont know whether i am happy about that or not.
happy because finally i've completed this activity.
sad is because seniors were disappointed and so am i.
an achievement? or a disappointment?
有其senior, 必有其junior.
you guys trained them, so you guys should know them.
sorry, no offence, honestly, i dont think it was entirely my fault.
it was my fault i trusted the wrong people.
but it was not my fault their attitude was like that.
you guys knew i scolded them in front of everybody.
you guys knew i was angry just as you guys are.
hey, i really did give them all i've got.
i did not select those they chose to put.
besides, who were the ones who ran away from everything that has a mirror and a flash? you guys.
so how am i going to give them nice ones when there isnt any?
please be more reasonable? please?
yes, i know, everything ran late.
the luck was not on our side.
but at least we were still early in the end, ok?
and yes, it was really not presentable.
but you guys havent seen the first one.
if you've seen that, you'll say this is much much better.
honestly speaking, i've given up the will to please you all a long time ago.
what's the point?
i'm the new appointed secretary today.
i am happy about it.
really, i am really really delighted.
but because of what happened, it means nothing.
fine fine fine.
why should i be upset over spilt milk?
regretting does not make up for anything.
what's over is over.
like it or not, just take it or leave it.

disappointed.

quite angry for myself for giving them a chance.
really really angry at myself for getting myself into this kind of filthy situation.
gotta pick up my own mess.
gotta get everything back right on track.
please-o-please-o-pretty-please with a cherry on top!
let this activity go well.
i solute my vivian for making it a success last year.
i wonder how she did it.
for me, its a miracle if everything works out >.<

busy or free.

congratulations to me! lol.
i've finished photocopying almost every homework there is.
woohoo!!! i know its bad, but at least i finished it, dont you think? haha
there was less than 20 people in my class today, so none of the teachers taught.
so the whole day nothing to do, because i've finished photocopying. lol.
slept, ponteng, ate.. did almost everything we are not allowed to do in class.
the teachers dont even seem to care if i am out.
kinda regret going to school today.
should have slept at home. =D

AGM is coming.
and everything is in a mess.
the classes, the devices, the preparations.
all a failure.
is it because we do not have time to apply last week?
or is it because i was the one who failed this activity?
i dont think i am capable.
hopefully this activity goes smoothly.
that's my only hope for now. =)

future? lol.

my class went for a talk about how to further our studies or something like that this morning. the talk was given by a few ex-kwang hua-rians who went to the UK and it seems that they got into the top 6 universities or something. xP mind me, i wasnt listening.

the only thing i remembered was something about 3-weeks-of-preparation-is-needed-if-you-want-to-pass-your-interview. as in scholarship interview i think. so we began talking regarding the topic that hueykhim must start to prepare her speech already. and it might not be good because she only have 3 days instead of 3 weeks. haha. 3 days for her to get ready to be the new division chairman. bwahaha! just kidding. we all know it is a joke. and her arch rival, engseng has to perpare one too. xDD

in the end, most of the science class students went to ask the spokesman regarding their college//scholarships//universities.... which i am totally not interested because they are studying the fields that i loath so so so much. (Sorry, no offence, but i really am not interested >.< ) so, we, the groupie of sampats, started our own group. and of course, we talked about mostly non-sense, but still, i get to know what all of use really are interested in. i know myself, that i do not want to try anything to do with business or finance. i cannot bare looking at statistics or facing the calculator the whole day. for me, i like science, so i think i'll further my studies there. xP

as for my friends who still dont know their direction, dont worry, you'll know it sooner or later. do your best now and maybe one day you all will major in something. haha. i am far worse, love science, science results so un-presentable. ==

exhausted.

seriously, many people are falling sick lately.
some of the people i know are in bed instead of in class.
and i was wondering something...

WHY CANT I BE LIKE THEM?!

i want to be in bed the whole day!
i want to sleep.
i want to rest.
i want to get away from everything.
i dont want to face reality.
it is so lifeless, so not meant to be.

i am tired.
i feel sore.
my whole body aches.
i think i will be joining my friends soon.
i am having a quite-bad sorethroat right now.

do i wish to get well soon?
or do i wish to fall sick sooner?
i rather suffer the pain of being sick then to sleep through my classes.
haih! let's just see whether i will topple one fine day.

to my friends who are sick,
take care, rest more and get well soon!
because, if you two are sick,
i have to clean up our garbage!
dont do that to me!
we are in the same department de lea.
come back to school and tolong laa.. xD
just kidding, get well soon! =)

for myself, hope i can finsih my homework in time and rest more as well >.<