dilemma.

a long forgotten topic. i have forgotten and also, thrown this topic to the back of my mind a LONG time ago.

until.....

2 days ago, i received a call. when i saw the caller ID, everything suddenly rushed into my mind. i answered "hello?" "hello, zhihan ar.." "ermm.. yea..?" "about competition horr.." and i went to this mode:"SHIT!"

i was so running out of time settling my add maths on sunday night and i received this call. lol! memang speechless. and i realized i had to give an answer about this topic soon, very, soon.

i am in a dilemma whether to go or not to go. my parents have been complaining about my 83% for maths, daddy wanted me to get >90% and i told him "your daughter aint gawd, just a below average student". and my mummy has been going on and on about how the colleague's' daughters have been studying their heads off. ish! pressuring lar.

secondly, i dont see the point in going anymore. my teammates, all having problems with their parents and themselves. even ah khim is giving up on this. a substitute can give up, why cant i give up?

if i am going, i'm going for the sake of trying how it feels like to enter a national competition. how it feels like to be representing a state to compete with the best.

next, if because AA will be going and well, it's the last time we'll all be in this together and its our last memory together in our st john life. meaningful..? or maybe there are other events that we can do together? xD

i do not know which to choose but i know i must make a decision very soon. if i dont make the decision this week, our trainings will be left with only 1 week. that is next week before we start our midterm. no more, no less.

this friday night, training with a doctor. will i go? truthfully speaking, no point going if the others are not going.

this sunday, home nursing course. my team must go for this course to be eligible for the national competition. but i'll miss my marathon if i go. =( i dont want to miss it as i've missed enough already.

haih.. dilemma dilemma. what should i do??