8 days to go

another 8 more days, then i'll will face a group competition. i've trained a year plus for this day. although it seems long, but our standard remain. xD nevermind la, as long as we give it all we got! =D another 8 more days, i'll encounter a situation which i dont think i'll have a second chance in my life. xP i'll go through 5 days non-stop for competitions. not only participating as a group, individual as well.
5 days filled with competitions, from saturday till wednesday.
5 sleepless nights.
5 anxious and unthinkable days.
5 totally different events.
5 competitions i'll never tried. xD
i hope i can go through without a sweat. and most importantly, i hope i wont come back empty handed this time. so disappointed with MSSD Merentas Desa. hopefully MSSD Olahraga wont fail me. T'T xD (sounds so greedy. haha. )

confused or tired?

i feel so confused. i feel so tired. i feel so helpless. i feel so crazy. i feel so speechless. i think the last few days are killing me. i've been thinking, why does everything have to go wrong when it just seems to go right? i thought i got it back on track. i thought it was all under control. and there it goes, right in front of me, passing through me like im totally invisible. feel like a dork. feel that i cant do anything but to see it get away from me and only coming back after who-knows how long. maybe like the last time, about a month or two. i felt like i was dreaming? lol. but that's gone now. i'll just have to wait just yet another time. now is just not the time. maybe the wrong time for me to do anything.

. . . . . ?

blur~

i dont know, i dont know, i dont know, i dont know. . .
why me? why me? i feel like i have the word 'failure' printed on my forehead! i feel like im a mess. a very very big mess. no matter what i do, i will make matters worse, i can make something worth a fortune to become a white elephant! what does that mean? im a failure! a total failure.

some things, i totally dont mind. IM REALLY SORRY.. i didnt know that you guys mind. i had no idea you guys thought of it that way. so, there, another thing to prove im stupid. sheesh! i really need a long rest. it is not because i've been participating in many things, it is because i need to do my 'corrections' before i treat others the wrong way again. i wanted to change my character, my attitude and everything, so no matter how sarcastic or how horrible the comment is, i can accept it with an open heart. i dont mind the comment is given by a senior, a friend or a junior. truthfully, i've never criticized anybody who gave me a nasty comment. since people think of me that way, i'll change myself to suit their way. [ what i wrote is about myself, not about my friends. i dont mean that you guys cant accept any comments.]

i thought we were all fine, until today, i know that you guys dont like most of the ways. to come think of it, it is not your fault, i dont know how to change my tone when i give you guys comments. okay, you all know your own mistakes, so i wont say another word. i'll just let it go. i dont want to hurt anybody's feelings. i hate to talk because i am always misunderstood by my tone. im sorry, i really am. . .

i've got a confession!

okay! i've got a big-big-big-super-crazy-super-stupid confession to make!!! i beh tahan being in my class with XXX!! (i know i wrote confession, but i have the right to protect the good name of the person i loath! = = ) i really cant accept being in the same class with XXX! XXX is driving me up the wall!! i so so so feel like changing classes! but i know it isnt possible! does anybody knows how hard is it to face XXX everyday to talk crap?! its not like i started the stupid conversation! anyways, you think you are the most prefect thing in the world! come on! i know people who are way way better than you! sometimes i really want to scold you, and say everything that i wanted to say to since the day i started to loath you! if you want me to say your weakness, i can say it non-stop for 3D4N! (im not saying im prefect, my weakness is worse, 10D10N still half way through) if you think you are so prefect, go 4S1 lar! dont stay in this class! make me wanna puke! today, maybe out of anger, i really wanted to change class! it is either you change, or i change! i dont want to face you for two whole years! maybe i wont even mind to change to account, as long i can get as far from you as possible! dont think i can be your good friend! i may be helping you at times, but that does not mean i am your good friend! if you dont change your STUPID attitude of wanting the whole world's attention, i think i'll do something really very soon! my last sentence for this confession, i dreaded the times when i need to cooperate with you!!

a bad day! =(

today, i had a bad day. really hate it so much! T'T i hate it when i come to school early in the morning and someone came to make me burst into flames! please lar! its just 7am and im already so pissed off! shit! who are these so called friends? is it really my fault? NO! i dont think so! so shitty! why cant you guys just admit its your fault? i was the one who always waited for you guys! not you guys waiting for me! THINK ABOUT IT! who was the one who always gave me the excuse of having alot of homework and didnt want to go down? #3 lar! and who was the one who was always busy and not in class? (i dont blame so much on her as she has more important things *sometimes*) #5 lar! and who was the one who always forgot there was this thing in the first place? the blur #4 lar! oh mai gawd! give me a break! like im not busy myself! after you guys refused to go to dataran for such a long period of time, i also gave up calling you guys to go down. you guys really make me feel so hopeless sometimes! let alone make me feel we had the chance to win. i really feel we are nothing! compare ourselves to the boys and what do you get? a stone being compared to a gem! arghhh!!

and that was just early in the morning! afterwards, than only did i found out that i didnt pack my 'long' note books to school. i left around 5 books at home and 2 of them were dued today! darn it! had to tell the teacher and get a hell-load of scolding! the teacher even said that she will not mark my book even if i handed it in tomorrow! T'T really isnt my day, dont you think?

next, after i came back from recess, i put my file on my table, and who knew, my file 'accidentaly' bumped into my water bottle and SPLASH!, my water for the whole day is gone! all on the floor waiting for the heat to evaporate it. and a girl said to me, "i pity the girls sitting in front of you, poor things, their seats are all wet!" what about me? aint i a poor thing too? i got no water! and i got a little sore throat! T'T

what about that? enough to be considered as a 'genuine' bad day? i hate today! i found a nice saying in my chinese workbook today, it says that being angry is punishing yourself for other peoples' mistakes. although i agree with it, but undeniable, i was really angry today! =(

changes.. finally! =D

yesterday, i can finally see some improvement! wuuhuu! xD i can see the 'ohm'! [usually i dont see that] and i also dont feel the 'semangat'. but yesterday. . . it was a total change! i cant even believe my eyes. i cant believe that we are actually improving! lol.. although its tiring, but its worth the time. =) i hope they'll keep the spirits up! we dont have much time. we must keep up the pace and aim for the summit! haha.

WE CAN DO IT!
[i really do hope we wont fail! =( ]

a whole new day? perhaps. .

i think i saw some changes.
i hope im not wrong again.
i dont want to live in the old days,
where tales are only told,
not to happen in real life. xP
c'mon, zhihan!
stand up,
face the fact!
and everything will be fine! xD

MSSD Merentas Desa

today is the 3rd time i participate in MSSD Merentas Desa. this year's venue is at SK Serdang. about 40minutes bus ride from kwang hua. there are 4 categories in which kwang hua took part in. perempuan & lelaki kelas I and perempuan & lelaki kelas II, kwang hua sent 24 students this year. and i was lucky, i was one of them. =D

i still remembered the first time i took part in Merentas Desa, two years ago. i was really slow that time, i got the 42nd place and i swore i would never take part in any marathons again because it was really very tiring. but luckily, i didnt give up xD i contibued to run the following year, and guess what, i improved! i got the 24th place last year. =)

well, the main thing is this year. every year, the first 20 runner ups will get a medal. and what the frickin' hell! i got 21st! darn it! i was so depressed. when i phoned my mum to tell her about it, i almost cried! and when everybody ased me which place i got, i had to reply i was the 21st. the conversation will then go on with this sentence ==> "huh?! 21st?! so 'kolian-tai'! " oh my gawd! that hurts me even more. the whole afternoon, i wasnt even in the mood to eat or talk. the girl who got the 20th place was just 10m in front of me! T'T i didnt overtake her because i thought i am already out! but who knew? if i just run faster a lil' bit!!! then i would have had a shiny medal from MSSD [how many people can win a MSSD medal so easily? dont get me wrong, really need to train for a long time to really win something..]! haiz.. really sad! T^T

but its over now. why cry over spilt milk? i might as well get over it and try again next year! but next year is going to be more competitive, i hope i can win something back in my last year of MSSD! please please please, oh pretty-please!! xP

i suppose its me

i am quite confused right now. i feel weird. just like last year. i made a decision, and when i almost finished it, i took back my words. i so regret taking back what i said. although i do admit that i have a not-very-bad memory, plus with the 'help' of my friends, i've learnt quite a lot. now i think im about to make the same decision again. but this time, i hope i can really accomplish what i plan to do. sounds weird huh?

i've figured it out, that is not my type. i do not need that. i want something better, although i may not deserve it. i know its wrong, but i still cant let go. that is called stupidity. but before that, i want to take back something. i gave that thing up around a year plus ago, i broke it a few times in this period, i want to save it before i break it another time. the problem is, will i be stuck again? will i stop half way again? am i prepared for what i will face after that? i dont know. . .

i never wanted it to be like this. but what's the point? is it wasting my time? why must i make it so complicated when i can make it simply? why must i frown when i can smile? i am really stupid + stubborn, arent i? when i see others happy, you can feel the envy in my eyes. why cant i be like them?

1st of Feb ==> sorng arh! xP

last sunday (1st of Feb) i went out with my gang. the sampat gang! the thing about this outing is that, everynody must wear skirt! for those who does not do so, the whole day's expenses will be on her! so, hahaha, everybody wore their skirts to aeon bukit tinggi!

the first thing we did was sing karaoke! greenbox! we yelled at the top of our lungs! it is really different when we are out together, we are so 'tomboy-ish' even in skirts! lol! and so sampat-ish! xP and, my dear dear friends! i love them so so so so much! they bought a chocolate cake for me! =D so so happy! the cake was delicious!! and they sang a birthday song.. haha! was kinda paisea at first, but really, thanks, you guys! my 16th birthday isnt that bad after all.. =) love you guys loads!

after that, we went to watch a movie, the wedding game. quite nice, quite funny, and quite ridiculous too. xD really worth watching.

went to shan ci's house for a visit, ended up playing black jack as well. and i was the 'banker' this time. i dont think i was meant to gamble this new year, i kept losing money! T'T all i could do was stare at my money flying into other peoples' pocket. lol xP

i really enjoyed our only-girls-outing! this is the first time almost everybody could make it. still got schin! so wished that she was there when i cut the cake! xD haha. hope i get to go out with my jimui(s) again soon! =DD




anybody wanna guess where? xP



ss-ing here! =D



not-for-sale?

7 'hou jimui' sing k! =D

7 wearing skirts! xD who's idea? the one in purple!