im getting there~

i am almost there.
a few more days and eureka!!
i am so so waiting for that day!

it rained today.
seems so nice! =)
i want to see the rain again!
i want it to refresh my mind.
i want to lead a stress-free life.
tell me, everything will be ok =)

i can feel the raindrops pounding.
will the raindrops cheer me up?
yes, i think they did =D

fed-up ~

i give up!
so fed-up!
why do i have to go through this?
forget it!
you are not the only one who's tired.
what about us?
i know your friends got your back.
i know you are better.
but can i say, u suck?
i am so fed-up!

sunburn lar!!

oh my gawd!!!! really can cry already. haiz. my friends say that i look like a sakai! xD i am really really very tan now. i look like an Indian more than Chinese. my skin burns! its painful even when i am just touching it! 5 hours under the hot sun. isnt that called torture or what? i hope my skin will peal off or something. so i wont be so tan. haha. whose fault? the he-who-must-not-be-named. torture torture torture! suan le ba, another 6 more days and everything will be over! =D hope we wont get last! xP

look on the bright side ~

look on the bright side,
i havent lost ALL my friends.
im still happy [almost].
i still got time to spare =D
im still healthy. =P
i think i can cope.
i hope i'll do well.
i'll just keep up the 'good' work.
and then i think i'll be ok.
happy-go-lucky?
i am who i am. =)

i think i'm sick ~

i think i am falling sick.
my head aches so badly.
i feel my insides are burning.
i dont feel better no matter how much i rest.
(ps. i just woke up around 20 minutes ago)
i am online searching for my project when i should really be at my tuition right now.
such a failure? haha
maybe.
i think i just need more rest.
and dont think so much! xD
now i have to continue to click on my documents
hope i'll recover soon >.<

awkward ~

how can one not give up?
im receiving pressure from my parents.
the sweet talk last time we always had when they are not satisfied with my academic process does not work anymore.
i too, gave up on myself.
it seems that im wrong in whatever way.
so, what's the point of contributing so much?
i can chill and relax.
keep my mind off things.
it would be the best way.
i feel that im just making a fool of myself.
again, i ask myself, why put so much effort when i am not appreciated?
im just a stupid girl who thinks im ok.
i was so so so wrong.
come on, give up.
its totally useless not to give up.

pics from long long ago xD ~

i dont fit in T'T ~

i dont think i fit in.
i am always a loner.
dont know where to go.
just following instructions.
what happened to all those so called 'jimui'?
i cant even talk to them anymore.
i remembered that i used to call one of them every night and talk our hearts out.
we can talk about everything.
we never run out of topics.
but now, everything changed.
last time, i talk to you guys almost every minute in school.
now, the sentences i said to you guys are less than 10 each day.
i cant fit in with you guys.
you said that its because i have schin beside me,
but i dont think so.
schin is my best friend,
and so are you guys!
i thought we promised to be best friends at least until we graduate from secondary.
we are not graduating this year!
2009 brought BIG changes to my life.
i never felt so useless before in my life.
i've lost my 2 very very good friends,
i've got so suck-ish results,
my co curriculum is 'merosot-ing',
everything is changing!
i am not the happy go lucky me anymore.
i cant smile when i like to,
i feel stressed everyday,
i feel like crying everytime.
i want my buds back!
where have they gone?
i dont know. >.<
i just hope everything will be like last year.
always smiling, no pressure, no worries!

never thought about it ~

i've never thought about this before.
i never thought it would be like this as well.
i thought it was supposed to be the exact opposite.
i dont know.
i dont think i can make a conclusion.
i am not sure about what i am thinking.
is this what i really wanted?
is this going to make me happy?
satisfied? regret? cant let go?
i dont know.
i dont know!
why must things be so complicated?
is this called life?
why cant things be more simpler.
then i wont have so many strands of white hair.

suddenly i realize ~

suddenly, i realize, that i need not be so good.
suddenly, i realize, i need not sacrifice so much.
suddenly, i realize, no matter how much i do, its is nothing.
suddenly, i realize, when i help, it seems like trouble to you guys.
suddenly, i realize, i am nothing.

nothing.

i need not make my commitment.
i need not be so 'pia'.
i need not to bother.
i can relax, chill and let go.
no point for me to stay, am i right?
nothing i say matter.
my existence is invisible.
compared to somebody who makes stupid and ridiculous tantrums, i am nothing.
you guys listen to her for the fear that she will be pissed if she was disobeyed.
but what about me?
do i matter?
i have feelings too!
i dont have such a stupid character like her,
so i dont need so much attention?

answer is, YES.
i am just nothing.
as i suddenly realize.
it is time for me to let go.
once i've finished my duties at the moment.
i am leaving.